Black Man's Rant: Why I Don't Date Black Women
Written by A Guest Blogger (we are just the outlet!!!)
They Say, “The Blacker the Berry, the Sweeter the Juice.” Wait, I don’t even like berries.
The Blacker The Berry The Sweeter The Juice: Wait I Don't Even Like Berries
Preface: My mother is going to kill me.
Here lately I’ve been getting in arguments with my sistas about their hair. A few things:
- I hate when women wrap their hair before bed. Hence, why I have two silk pillows on my bed, “just in case, they don’t want to get their hair messed up, [messing] with a [brother]” as Katt W. said.
- I hate when some Black woman asks me what I think of her hair when she chops it off and goes, Happy I’m Nappy natural. I think the same thing each time, “That was stupid. (In the “That was easy” voice)
- I hate the argument that Black women have problems working out because they sweat their hair out. I believe there are plenty of Black women who manage to work out and not sweat their hair out, that’s why they are in shape and others aren’t.
And then suddenly it hit me, it’s been a while since I talked to a woman with Black hair. And you know what? Seriously, just one day I just lost the urge to talk to Black women at all. I don’t think I’ve ever said, I’m done talking to Black women, I think one day I just said to myself, I’ve had enough I’m no longer limiting myself to a group of women just because they are Black. And this translated into me just not meeting or interacting with them on a romantic level anymore.
This was not spontaneous, it was gradual in nature. I think back on life and I’ve always had a thing for “redbone” or “high yella” women. In fact, the Summer of 2003 joke about me used to be that I like them, “light, bright and damn there white” or “oh yeah, lighter than that.” The last Black girl that I seriously dated was a “redbone” with hazel eyes. Sooner or later I was bound to just cross on over.
I never was the type to date solely in my race, my girlfriend in middle school was white. Oh and let’s be clear, she wasn’t a white girl from around the way, she was white. I went to a predominantly white school for college, I was in a predominantly white major, and I hung around a pretty diverse group of people. Naturally, I had sex with white women. It was never a big deal for me. And it wasn’t just white women, because it was Latina sisters too. Being from DC, once going to NY, I discovered different nationalities of Latinas, such as, Dominicans and Puerto Ricans. But still, “light, bright, and damn there white.”
So after a few bad experiences with Black women in DC after school, I just gave up on being the token Black guy. Yes, the token Black guy, a guy who is predisposed to only Black women for fear of persecution. And so I’ve now become a Black man who believes he has a great chance of never dating a Black woman again, unless she’s mixed.
I know the readers would like to know why, and I’ll tell you… I’ve noticed a REAL big difference when in relationships and dealings with white women.
I do not have to carry the race with my interactions with white women. With Black women, you are representing for the whole race and gender of Black men. You deal with the baggage of every Black girl lost. And you’re just not trying to hear all that. I don’t want to deal with how Black men are always cheating and leaving some Black women for a White woman. I do not need to hear about how some Black man is always skipping out on his responsibilities. I do not need to hear about how Black women have carried the race for so long, that it’s time that Black men stepped up to the plate. I don’t need to hear that Black men ain’t sh*t. Excuse my French. Quite frankly, I’m not those men, so don’t compare me to them.
I’m not finished with this topic. When I make a mistake, I now get the punishment of a repeat offender. It’s like if I cheat on a Black woman, because I cheated on a woman, I get punished for every other Black man who cheated and got caught or didn’t get caught. No, this is the present, I’ve made a mistake, and this may be my first mistake and I need to be able to make mistakes or this won’t go anywhere whatsoever. Lastly, when she makes a mistake, she can write it off by comparing it to the things that Black men have done in the past.
There’s a sense of entitlements that should not exist. One of the things that caused me to get extremely frustrated with dating Black women was the sense of entitlement to dictating the way everything should go, as if they were owed something. They didn’t have to earn anything. When I was dating outside of Black women, that was different. I’ll give you two examples; Latina women will cook for you, Black women will tell you, “I ain’t your mother.” White women will chill in the house when you’re broke, Black women will tell you the second you decline going out, “How come we don’t ever go anywhere?!”
I know there are exceptions to the rule. But I’m very adamant about saying, that we are not judged by our inconsistencies, but by our consistencies. And if the large majority of you are one way, you need to huddle with your people about what the majority voice is before coming to me claiming to be the exception. I’ve been consistently happier dating white and Latina women than I have been dating Black women. I actually felt like I could be myself, I wasn’t living up to some norm or standard that I didn’t have any part in creating. Quite frankly, I haven’t been in a setting where it was predominantly Black since the sixth grade, it only makes sense that I need someone who understands that I’m multi-faceted. No, I’m not a Black man who doesn’t know he’s Black, I’m a Black man who knows he’s Black enough to not need to see a Black woman everyday to know that he’s Black. I’m a Black man who’s strong enough to say, as it stands for me, I just don’t think I’m compatible with most Black women.
Am I saying that I will never date a Black woman again? No, I’m merely saying it’s unlikely.
Reader’s Note: Through out this blog you may have noticed that I capitalize the “B” in Black, but do not do the same for the term white. I do this because Black is a race in America that represents a group of people who do cannot and do not trace their roots back to anything but Black. While white is a race, it is a placeholder for many people who can trace their roots back to a nationality but choose to use the term white to distinguish themselves from Black people.
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Comments (131)
YF
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“”" we should bring up are black women ”’???
NO THANKS.
Just except the fact that there are black men like myself that are ONLY interested in White women..PERIOD END OF STORY
Not all black women have issues…But the majority of the black ones I’ve met are and I am not interested. You can beat me up all you want but the fact is we like what we like.
The following are black folks that are with white women. Why not email them and tell them to not date white women?
Michael Jordan(Left his black ignorant wife for a white woman)
Lenny Kravitz
Tay Diggs
Tony Parker
Tim Duncan..
Cuba Gooding JR
Reggie Bush
Kobe Bryant
Seal
Lamar Odom
Tiger Woods
Montell Williams
Sidney Portier
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Black Man’s Rant: Why I Don’t Date Black Women « Rahim the Dream of VladTV.COM
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[...] Date Black Women Posted on March 12, 2009 by radiotherahim Written by A Guest Blogger (thisisthedream.com is just the [...]
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CB4LIFE
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I’m a black woman, and I date white men pretty exclusively for a NUMBER of reasons that were INFINTIELY more vcalid than ANYTHING that was said in this rant, lol. It has nothing to do with looks/hair/etc. It’s more about just the realities– education, children out of wedlock, jail rates, etc.
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NiecyC
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I feel you. I’m a black woman that frequently dates outside of my race. It has nothing to do with what I don’t like about black men and everything to do with me being attracted to that person at that moment.
You feel that “with Black women, you are representing for the whole race and gender of Black men.” I get that there are women like that.
But I also wanted to let you know “…quite frankly, I’m not those (wo)men, so don’t compare me to them”.
NiecyC
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All World
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Can you handle the truth?? The following link explains it all. Caution!! Don’t look at the link if you have thin skin.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBzIRgKsfpQ
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eli
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you black people that’s leaving comments thats negative about black people,are insecure people who hate yourself its bad enough we have other race bashing us
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Voice of Reason
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I applaud you for stating your position, in detail. My own reason isn’t really attributed to anything but the most important aspect: she just happened to be the woman I fell in love with, and she fell in love with me as well. We’ve been married for 13 years and we’re still quite happy.
A question for CB4LIFE: Did you REALLY read the entire post before commenting, or did you merely skim through it? Just an observation.
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Strenght
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This here is interesting! However before I leave my comment let me give a small brief background on myself.
I am a 24 years old African American Army Officer single mother of one and do not feel the need to rely on a man, purple, blue, green, white, nor black.
However I want to encourage the writer to really look at himself. Where did you come from? A strong black woman. Who made sure you had a roof over your head, food in your stomach, and clothes on your back? That strong black women.
You state Latino’s cook. White women don’t complain. However riddle me this? Who can attend a four year university, work a full time job, and raise well respectable children, and graduate within three years, and make it look all so effortless? You give up? Ready for the answer? A women of color.
Honey there is nothing wrong with dating outside your race. However here is something wrong with you!
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best abs exercises
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I agree with with your conclusion. I am going to do some research and post it here for clarity. Stay tuned and I’ll be back with the info. I made sure to bookmark the site so I’ll be able to find my way back. LOL Also, if any of you women need <a href="http://www.squidoo.com/best-ab-exercises-for-women" home ab exercises don’t hesitate to begin immediately.
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Monique
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As a young black woman i am definitely more than a little bit disgusted at your article and i couldn’t even read past the first three points.
There is nothing wrong with having a preference but judging from your initial 3 points, you are someone who has issues with yourself and black women.
What breaks my heart, is that black men like you have no idea what you are doing to the younger genration of black people.
I am not angry, i am bitter, i’m not crazy just incredibly sad so so sad.
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Monique
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*i am not bitter*
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Adrienne
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i think more and more black males become disillusioned with dating black women because they can’t run the same tired games on black women that they can run on other races. He states a white woman will chill with you at the place if you don’t have any money. Maybe the white woman is too intimidated to say anything? I recently overheard a white neighbor’s black boyfriend yelling at her that she puts him down because he doesn’t have a car or a job. I guess she is getting sick and tired of sitting at home and looking at his unemployed stupid A$$!!!! Black males act like momma’s boys way up until their 40′s even 50′s and expect a woman to put up with their nonsense for years. Not saying all black men do this, but the decent, hardworking, educated and spiritual black men are few and far between and are usually scooped up quickly and married off. There are too many spoiled, entitled lazy black males around and they need to grow up and stop blaming black women for their problems.
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Chauncey Dundas
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Some good insights on this site…right now I have a question on this subject since I am working on a book modern dating and how to get a girlfriend in today’s world. I’d really like to ask for your advice on this new trend of men learning how to pick up girls, and I’m wondering whether this stuff is actually effective? Can any recommend “dating coach” out there who can actually teach guys to pick up women?
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drexxx
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I’m sorry to tell you that all you’ve said about black girls is not true !!! Besides, you talk about only african american girls, and if you really know that you’re a black man, you could know that blacks girls are not all the same, and they are not all americans !!
Personally, i’m african (from cameroon), i live in france, and i can’t recognize myself on your statements about black girls,because black girls in france are completely different from your description.
I’m really shocked and offended by your post,you seem to be a self hatred racist to tell something like this, and when you tell it, do you include your mother, your sisters (if you have any): because if you are black, they certainly are too.
By the way, in france, your description of white and latina girls are rather describing black girls, and vice versa.
To finish my comment, i would say : YOU CAN’T GENERALIZE !!! it’s useless, pointless, and racist !!!
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woman
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That whole rant was pathetic and filled with “issues”.
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Greg Smity
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Black Women. Stop having these children with these deadbeats that leave you raising him alone which garuntees that the boy grtows up to become a MOMA’S BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Shauna
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I’m a black women and I can’t blame you my, dear. You have some vaild points.
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ashdubs
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its sooooo funny to be how black men wanna talk soooo much crap about us and why they don’t want to date us, when they really need to look in the mirror… there are more educated black women than there is black men, all of them are in jail or has some type of jail record, the list can go on and on, but niggas wanna look at us like we’re the problem… haha!! thank god i’m a lesbian…i don’t know why black women put up with their shit..there are sooooo many other race of men that LOOOVE AND ADORE BLACK WOMEN!!! black men just don’t like the fact that a black woman knows there black asses inside and out! lol.. how pathetic…
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sandra
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What a sad article. What you are showing is a portrait of self-hate. If you really believe that you are elevating yourself by putting down black women, you are sadly mistaking. A white women will not make you look better in the eyes of society no matter what you think. And, a white women will not help you love yourself because you are what you are and you will always be black. Good luck.
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Jumaane
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Dude, I’m 17 and this article was a joke. First off, you said that you decided not to limit yourself to black women. You go on to say that you are multi-faceted. Uh, if you were, you wouldn’t have felt ‘limited’ in the first place. And just like you say you don’t owe black women anything, they don’t owe you anything either. If you feel that they are always complaining and what not, based on your rational you’ve proven your point. You feel that way, so naturally, that’s what you are going to focus on. Ugh, man, this is so old, lol.
‘And if the large majority of you are one way, you need to huddle with your people about what the majority voice is before coming to me claiming to be the exception.’
Dude, how can you say this when you ‘haven’t been in a setting where it was predominantly Black since the sixth grade?’ You were all over the place, man, and I’m not dogging you, but WOAH! You don’t know anything about the majority, you said it yourself. Articles like this shouldn’t get you guys bent out of shape, this is actually comedy. Maybe one day you’ll get to the confident place that you claim to be in right now, your ‘blackness.’ Until you see that we are all so much bigger than the labels that are placed on us, I doubt that you’ll ever really see the truth. And to be honest, I know black women aren’t losing any sleep over this. I’m a male, and I know I’m not. Many men who are labeled as black in society think this way, but there are plenty who don’t too. As the great Donny Hathaway said, ‘Someday we’ll all be free.’
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MsGa.
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Wow! This article made me cry!!! I am so so dissappointed with men of color…. There was absolutely no reason to write such a pointless blog unless you are trying to convince yourself!! Which means that your subconcious is bothering you… I feel young man that you have a type of self-hatred that is so deep rooted that it may never be fixed… One sad point you made was about black women tying there hair up at night> Really man? that is a problem for you …. Let me explain something to you about ethnic hair and caucausian hair..ETHNIC HAIR IS COURSE IN TEXTURE AND REQUIRED MORE MOISTURE THIS IS THE REASON ETHNIC WOMEN (AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMEN IN PARTICULAR) COVER THEIR HAIR AT NIGHT….. CAUCASIA OR (WHITE WOMENT) HAVE STRAIGHT OR FINE HAIR THAT OVER PRODUCES OILS AND REQUIRES THAT THEY WASH THE HAIR EVERY DAY IF NOT THEY WILL HAVE AN OIL BUILD UP THAT CAUSES A FUNGUS ON THE SCALP…….(JUST AN FYI) 2. For you to hate when a black woman asks you what you thinks about her hair after she decides to go natural is absolutely the most selfhating thing you could have said…….. First you said you HATE that Second she is asking you because she needs (spiritually) your encouragement and approval for this change because so many women of color think that they are ugly if they don’t have a relaxer in their hair.( By the way those relaxer to keep that straight look that you like are dangerous chemicals that cause anything from lupus to birth defects…… Third you said that you HATE(there is that word again) that black women say that don’t work out because of there hair sweating out(FYI that woman you are talking to is maybe lazy because she has so many other things in here day to do to survive… instead you should be encouraging her by going to the gym with her or helping her prepare a healthy meal or going on a detox together,,,,, YOU MY SAD SAD BROTHA ARE OFF THE CHAIN!!!!! SELF HATE IS MORE THAN JUST DOING HARMFUL THINGS TO YOURSELF…. THEY STEM FROM WOUNDS BEING IN THE WAY…. YOUR WOUNDS ARE IN THE WAY OF YOU SEEING THAT YOU DON’T LIKE YOUR SELF OR THE WOMAN THAT GAVE BIRTH TO YOU…….”SHOW SOME RESPECT FOR HUMAN DIGNITY… MAYBE THERE WOULDN’T BE SO MANY FAILED RELATIONSHIPS MIGHT EVEN HAVE A GHOST OF A CHANCE OF JUST LOVING EACH OTHER BODY MIND AND SOUL…. CANNOT BARE TO BE HONEST WITH HIMSELF SO WHAT THE HELL JUST LIE TO A WOMAN THERE ARE WOUNDS IN THE WAY ……AS TIME PASSES BY THEY BEGIN TO MULTIPLY THERE WOUNDS IN THE WAY….. SOME OLD AND SOME NEW ALL STIFLING AND DEBILITATING THERE WOUNDS IN THE WAY….SOME ARE PAST DOWN FROM ELDER TO YOU THEY DON’T EVEN BELONG TO YOU …..WOUNDS IN THE WAY”BY RACHELLE FERRELL (PLEASE BY THIS SONG OR DOWNLOAD IT OR SOMETHING … YOU NEED IT)
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MsGa.
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SORRY EVERYONE ABOUT MY TYPOS…. I AM A BIT DISTURBED BY THIS MANS OPINION ABOUT HIS HATE FOR BLACK WOMEN…… I HAVE A NEPHEW THAT RIGHT NOW IS HAVING AN IDENTIY CRISIS AND IS STARTING TO ONLY HANG AROUND ONE RACE OF PEOPLE …. THE PROBLEM IS THAT HE IS ONLY DEALING WITH A CERTAIN GROUP OF PEOPLE OTHER THAN HIMSELF… THAT IS NOT HEALTHY FOR THE “SELF”
SO I AM DEVOTING MYSELF AND I AM GATHERING MY FAMILY TOGETHER TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THIS CHILDS PROBLEM IS… HE IS NOW 18 YEARS OLD AND IT IS NOT HEALTHY…. THIS IS WHEN THE FAMILY HAS TO COME TOGETHER AND FIND OUT WHY THIS CHILD IS FEELING LIKE HE SHOULD ONLY BE AROUND WHITE PEOPLE BECAUSE HE SAYS HE SEES NO COLOR…. BUT THAT IS ABSURD….. IF YOU DON’T SEE COLOR THEN YOU ARE EITHER COLOR BLIND OR BLIND…. SO TO SEE AN ARTICLE LIKE THIS IS ABSOLUTELY DISTURBING……..
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MsGa.
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AND ANOTHER THING…….. PLEASE DON’T THINK THAT I AM RACIST OR THAT SILLY MESS…… IF YOU ARE ISOLATING YOURSELF TO JUST ONE THING.SOMETHING IS ABSOLUTELY WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!THAT IS UNHEALTHY…….. I WILL MAKE SURE THAT MY NEPHEW UNDERSTANDS THE DIFFERENCE AND REEVALUATES HIMSELF FOR SAYING THAT HE DON’T SEE A COLOR…..PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE! NOW THAT IS ALL I WILL BE SAYING ONT HIS BLOG THIS GUY IS OFF THE CHAIN!!!
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kay_cera_cera
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JUST LIKE YOU FEEL THAT BLACK WOMEN STEREOTYPE BLACK MEN WELL YOU ARE DOING EXACTLY THE SAME THING TO BLACK WOMEN. PUTTING THEM ALL IN THE SAME BOAT. SECONDLY ALOT OF WHITE WOMEN SHOULD WRAP THEIR HAIR AT NIGHT SO IT DOESN’T GET ALL SPLIT AT THE ENDS AND WAKE UP WITH BED HEAD. (YEA THAT HAPPENS TO ALL WOMEN.) BLACK WOMEN NEED ALOT OF HEALING AND UNDERSTANDING BUT ALL WOMEN HAVE DEMANDS AND SHARE A COMMONALITY SO DONT GET IT TWISTED. AS A MATTER OF FACT I THINK I AM GOING TO TAKE A STAND FOR BLACK WOMEN BECAUSE I AM TIRED OF THE MISREPRESENTATION!
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Joseph Slaughter
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First, you are a disgrace to black people everywhere. You are so ironically racist it is disgusting. Another thing, you should be prepared to dishonor your daughter or son when they arrive with curly, rough, crimped hair because you are, dare I say it, BLACK. Hope your children do not have preference for white people because if they do they will hate you for impregnating their mother and making them black and as you claim undesirable. You are the reason the black community is falling apart and more blacks are dating outside their race, making children with identity problems who hate part of themselves. Besides, white women who date black men are viewed as mentally disabled in America. They cirtainly are NOT respected. So a black man and white woman with MULATTO kids are not going to be viewed with respect but rather awkward distaste. I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU IN THE DEEPEST WAY POSSIBLE…
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Shari
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As a Black female, I don’t even get upset about this silly ranting anymore. It makes me laugh. If you want to date white women, by all means, knock yourself out. What’s speaks volumes is your level of maturity and self-esteem – both remarkably LOW. A black girl wraps her hair and doesn’t cook for you. LOL. Is that all you are looking for in a woman?
A white woman will chill with you when you are broke. Well, she must be broke too, because most white women I know won’t be see with a broke guy and he could be Brad Pitt. My dear friend’s hubby lost his job and you can bet this natural blonde is NOT putting up with her man not going out there and looking for work. She calls and complains to me all the time. NO JOKE.
Newsflash: there are women of every color who don’t cook and who wear extensions and wear something on their head to keep their hair from being tangled while they sleep. Give me a break. Dear man, don’t you think for one minute that you can put color over character. White women, Latinas, Asian women and Indian women can be just as bossy, bitchy, ugly witches as any other woman. I’ve seen white and latin women bitch out their men so badly one white man was left crying in tears. EMBARRASSING, but the honest truth. One woman I work with is married. Had a baby. Gained over 100 pounds. Doesn’t cook. Is a bitch. Is WHITE. How many stories do you want? I have plenty.
You’ll learn. If you fall in love with someone outside of your race, please, please let it be because she is a woman who honors, loves and supports you and that you do the same. Otherwise, it will be yet another shallow relationship based on neuroses, an endless search for validation and a constant identity crisis. If you didn’t have issues with your identity, you wouldn’t have felt the incessant need to put down black women to validate your reasons for dating non – black women.
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MsBehave
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Lol! That’s what I did when I read this. You added wrapping hair as a complaint, ha, yes if you look at melanin blessed cultures, that’s what is done (head wraps). Really black women probably don’t want you, because you are a weak man & most black women are strong & need an even stronger man to be their mate, protector, provider, nurturer, you know all the things God intended them to be. Just because your father was weak and left your mother and now you blame her thinking she ran him off with her attitude, no he was weak & so are you..
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Cambria
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What is wrong with wrapping a scarf on your head?
White women, as well as other races, cut their hair off and go short too.
Sweat is actually good for your hair. Heard it somewhere, but African Americans are not the only people who can get chubby.
You sir seem like you are making up an excuse for your preference. If you prefer not to date black women, just say so. No harm done.
It also appears your problem is not with ethnicity, but hair?
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Aurora
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i agree with Cambria and Strenght
Im a 20 yr old BLACK brazilian(but part white and cherokee) am working, in school.
I treat my (future) boyfriend like the king that he is..i will cook for him, clean, do everything for him
Your perference is just what it is, your preference. Stop whining about why you made your choice and just move on with whatever race you choose to be with.
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Chris
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I’m a white guy who just broke up with my black girlfriend of a year.
While I agree that there are poor quality women of all races, I’ll never date another black girl again.
Here’s why:
1. Extreme pride and independence. While these sounds like two good qualities, it is extremely bad for a long term relationship. When your overly proud and independent, you have the tendency to never see the other persons side in an argument, or otherwise make any gesture to put your feelings aside for the sake of the relationship. Instead, every disagreement becomes an excuse to go cold, proud, and defensive. While I could be the one to put my feelings aside 90% of the time, being asked to do it virtually 100% of the time is too much. Whatever you black women may otherwise claim, if your equivalently “proud and independent” I can be almost positive that you exhibit the same behavior. Which of you isn’t a strong proud black woman? Exactly. Also, you have a way of twisting points of argument to be challenges to your pride and strong nature. Tiresome BS.
2. The same “strong proud” behavior prohibits you from giving love in the quantity and quality that men need. You likely tend to have a cold side to your personality as a result. This bodes very badly for a long term relationship. Love tends to be given only in the amount that will keep the man happy. This smacks of “whats in it for me” behavior, and not true love.
3. Your too bossy, in general. Ladies, ask your man to do things. Don’t tell him. It will make a huge difference to the quality of your relationship.
4. Ebonics. I could never have my kids raised by another parent who didn’t conjugate verbs correctly on a regular basis. In modern American society, you should learn to speak proper English. This may sound racist, but its the cold hard fact that will hold a huge sway over the success and respect that your children will garner in society and in life. Don’t speak ebonics to your kids.
Whatever your reaction may be to all of this, these are qualities of many black women that truly make you difficult to date.
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A Man First a Black Man Second
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Wow, this is amazing. People, are we serious.
I look at it like this; what ever float your boat go for it. Color should not be an issue in today’s time. In the same token, It doesn’t surprise me to hear us (Black people) talking in this manner. I can’t expect anything more from a race of people lost in America.
Allegedly we were once a strong race of people filled with pride and heritage. Now we have resorted to throwing the foundation of our race (A strong black Queen and nothing less) under the bus because they don’t have the exterior characteristic of white women.
To the Black men who harbor this sense of behavior. You have just slap the shit out of your mother, sister, and all the other beautiful Black Women in your family, not to mention your future beautiful black daughter. (Yes your daughter will be a black woman you stupid fuck)
I would love to hear what you’re going to tell her when she too is lost in this world due to a lack of confidence and self esteem; and she’s looking to you (a person that feels the same as the world that’s thrown her away) for answers. And you know the reason why she’s confused is because she’s viewed by the masses as a nappy headed big nose, full lipped brown skinned women that’s not accepted and cherished, but thrown away. But, ignorant fools like you. But, like I said I don’t expect much from a race of people lost in this land we call America.
I’m not saying you must date a black woman. I’m asking you to look in the mirror and realize that you are that black woman (that might be too deep for your simple mind) and you should not allow yourself to lose site of the beauty of a black women.
Don’t you realize that the black woman is under attack? They are the last line of defense standing between the survival of the black man.
Black women build black men: this world hates us. Black women make us strong and mentally prepared to face this world. They feel us up with confidence and love. There is NO ONE ELSE left. And when that exchange of love for each other has diminished both of us (the black man and women) will be vulnerable, mentally conquered, and defeated.
We are seriously infected, People. We need to start seeing with our ears and listing with our eyes. Because this is pure evidences that we have been divided and conquered.
WOW… OMG…WOW… OMG
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Anonymous
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If black women would stop only checking for the black men that are 6 foot plus athletes, ballers, and thugs with street cred, swag and money; and start giving the other brothers a chance instead of clowning or dissing them, maybe we wouldn’t be having this problem.
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Anonymous
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I’m a young woman who is of a very mixed heritage (black, native america(cherokee and pequot), chinese, and german jewish). I have golden brown sking during winter and reddish brown skin during summer. My hair is soft but curly at the roots and strait/crinkled. I have almond shaped eyes, small lips, a round face and i’m short with small feet. My nose is round and medium sized. I’ve been told that i’m cute and even adorable. I’m 20 but i look 15. I’m thick and strong. I have always been irritated by people who complain about their heritage. My foster mother is nigerian and she told me after asking me what my heritage was, that the reason why she chose a black man for her daughter’s father was because she didn’t want her to be confused about where she comes from and wants her to be comfortable with her looks. That bothered me because i couldn’t say that for my self. For a long time i had felt left out because i couldn’t claim a group to belong to. Then when the time came for me to start dating, i felt an aversion to black men because i grew up around them and saw first hand how deeply insecure they were about who they were and who they should be with and why. My first boyfriend was mixed like me and he left me because he wanted an asian girl who looked completely asian (with light skin). The second boyfriend i had was liberian and he left me because i have ”black” skin and he only likes light skinned girls. I was hurt by that. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that i would make a great girlfriend. I’m low maintenance, independent yes, but not hard and cold with it. i love deeply and unconditionally and i’m a gentle person. i hat to fight and argue. i don’t have an attitude, and i’m very relaxed and calm. i’m fun too. i can take and make a joke. i don’t stress about things. i take everything in stride. I’m generous and compassionate. i give because seeing others happy makes me happy. apparently my only crime is having brown skin. I want to give up on black men completely after this dude’s post , but being the type of girl who likes to give people the benefit of the doubt, i’ll keep that option open. I personally find Arab and Indian men very sexy (the brown/dark ones). I like black men , but i can’t see myself with one for a husband because of my experiences. Who knows, i might change my mind later in my life but for now, i want a beautiful brown Arab or Indian man.
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tj
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Thank God you have not chosen black. Your genes would dilute the strong black boy that you may produce. Better yet get a vasectomy so that you dont multiply your stupidity. I feel sorry for your mother. I am sure she is not proud. Keep up this maddness and we will see you on the news when one of the girls you love decide to say you raped them. Good luck sick Idiot.
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Jacquelyn B.
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You are really sad and all i can do is pray for you. Micheal Jordan’s ignorant wife??? Excuse me, maybe ignorant for putting up with his deceitful, women chasing, gambling problem having, drinking problem ass, but ignorant???? Really? Is tht all you could come up with???? That women is smart, a great mom (which is all that really matters) and is PAID!!!!!!! That’s fine if you don’t want to date women of your race, b/c I wouldn’t dare bring your ignorant, color problem, no idenity having ass to my parents. They would be appalled and so would my friends.
You my friend sounds like the one with the issues, not the sisters. We all have hangups and baggage, regardless of race, that’s a given it’s how you choose to deal with them or if you choose to just run like a punk, b/c “you can’t deal”.
A strong black women needs a strong black man and you my friend are NOT IT. You are weak and a pathedic excuse for a man. Period. Not b/c you choose to date outside your race (I say we should all give each other a chance regardless of race), but to clump all black women in a category of having issues and being ignorant shows your foolishness, upbringing and lack of knowledge, let alone experience. Only one word comes to mind…PUSSY.
Did you once think about why you were attracting these type of women???? It’s YOU BROTHER, not the women. Chec yourself first before you go blaming others! The solution ALWAYS starts at home.
And remarks about one wanting to go natural (I congratualte her for doing so, but frown on she would even caring what the hell you think), yours alone said it all, you have a race problem and should really seek couseling instead of berating and putting down an entire race of women.
Men like you,\. WE ARE GLAD YOU HAVE GONE SNOWFLAKE and PLEASE! PLEASE Don’t EVER COME BACK.
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Anina
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Hmm, I just found this blog a year after it was written, but I have to say, me being a black woman…. I can’t hate
Don’t get me wrong, at first reading your blog I was very saddened, about the hair thing because I didn’t think you understood why black women cover their hair with silk (in my case it’s to let it grow, since I never really have much of a hairstyle to mess up) and then as I read further on about your preferring light skinned girls and biracials well. it was very saddening to hear..
Being that I am not an American black, I moved to this country about 4 years ago, and I was BOMBARDED that word is definitely an understatement by what seems like the vile venom hurled among black men and woman at each other. I have to say no matter how much I have avoided it there is a mental toll it has taken on me, where once upon a time I could pass a black man with a white woman and think absolutley nothing of it, and now if I see it I think to myself… omg… maybe they are right, maybe they don’t date black women here???
if this is the case I just feel so bad for black Americans… why can educated blacks not seem to get together… where is this rift coming from, it’s so sad to see.
It’s just very odd, considering I went to a predominately white school as well, and live in a white neighborhood, I never thought about it, but I do remember the black guys at these schools dating white girls and whatnot, I never once thought anything of it, I find it so extremely frustrating that I do question the ‘motive’ behind it now
Either way I seem to be going off on a tangeant..
But as I read further into your post, I couldn’t help but put myself in your shoes, especially when you said what you said about black women not wanting to cook because “i aint your momma”, I can only imagine how it feels to embark on a relationship knowing that you will be treated like a cheater for cheating you never did, and many other things. If this is really the way so many black men feel then I fully understand why you date white women and I’m happy for you that you have found a way out of your situations.
As for black women, if this is true, this is the way you treat your black men, then how can you sit there and behave as if you want black men so much? I would think that if black men were so rare, that you would want to show that man you care about him. Why are you treating your men this way????
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Anina
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Jacquelyn, I don’t think you are truly reading the original post and hearing things out, there is definitely a communication problem here. Look at how he feels, his REASONS for not dating black women and hear him out, wouldn’t that be the part you would like to discuss or inquire about instead of hurling insults like that?
What you’re actually doing is proving his point I think…
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Jessica Hailey
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I am product of an interracial relationship, my father is black and my mother is white and the two of them have been married for over 40 years. I see nothing wrong with dating outside of your race, if you meet someone that you share a true connection with it shouldn’t matter what color they are. However, your reasons are absolutely ridiculous and quite frankly, disgusting! “I don’t like black women to wrap their hair”. Well that’s what we have to do to maintain our hair (apologies if this is not desirable to you), so if you dig deeper what you really mean is that “I don’t like black women’s hair”. “Latina women cook” Black women don’t cook? This is news to me. “White women don’t complain” So what you’re saying is that you need a woman that will allow you to treat them anyway you want and make “mistakes” (cheating) and allow you to come back time and time again. You’re trying to make the argument that you are not like “every other Black man” but hun….uhhh you kind of are!! Wait, I take that back because to be honest I’ve heard very few Black men speak such foolishness, you’re actually worse. And the thing is, it would take a Black women to understand this, to understand how twisted what you’re saying really is. And I’m sure if you hold such shallow views as these on relationships, other aspects of your personality must be pretty low as well. Which is probably why your relationship with Black women didn’t go so hot. If you find someone that you care about, whether they be black, white, red, yellow, green or blue, be with them. But targeting white and Latina women just because of their race is terrible. Run free, ’cause no Black woman will miss ya honey.
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wally
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I am a Black man and i have dated Black women all my life. I can understand and relate to the struggles you have face in being in a relationship with a black women. I have always been to conscious of racist America to date a white women,I did not want to be the token black guy, or have sisters hate on me and my women. There are a lot of issue plaguing the relationship between the black man and the black women. I’m not sure if these issues would ever get fixed. Slavery has done a number on our people! I think people should date who ever they like. it’s your choice and you should not be looked down upon. We live in an America, were it is ok to be homosexual!!, why is it still a big deal to date a women outside of your race? This is crazy!!!
I think after reading this brothers blog, i might just try something different, and date outside of my race. i might just like what i find.
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tmanning
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Brother, I totally agree with you, as well as with the white guy who dated a black girl and never will again. The ‘sistas’ posting nonsense about you being self-hating are just angry–you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, the one that yelps is the one that got hit, you understand me? I personally don’t even look at them anymore, I totally ignore any black woman in public who comes around me popping her gum for attention–and dude, they HATE it. They absolutely HATE to be ignored by a black man, they seem to feel almost entitles to you. It amuses me (in the supermarket, on the subway), but there are more and more of us every day who have been completely turned off by the negative attitude, the sense of entitlement, the lack of any sort of education (unless you’re discussing rap/r&b or hair extensions), the multiple ‘babydaddies’. I prefer a woman who speaks correct English, who has a great outlook on life, a woman who’ll ASK me a question and not ‘AXE’ me one. I’d love for that description to fit a black woman, but come on, how often does that happen–?
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Carole
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Well I can sort of understand his reasoning for not wanting to date a black woman. Im a black woman and I feel more comfortable being around white and latina women more than black women simply for the reason of the attitudes that I get from even stranger black women. I guess its like this world wide. Yes I agree its wrong to stereo type, but this issue is all over the net and world about black women with the same reasonings, so it must be some truth to it.
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Lrn*Ncl
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Hey* I really liked your article, but
the only thing I didn’t appreciate was the reader’s note. Black has very deep roots. I am personally taking a Racial and Ethnic relations class at the moment and have learned that there is no biological race. That is to say there are no “pure” races.
Race, in the common understanding, draws upon differences not only of skin color and physical attributes but also of language, nationality, and religion. Vast new data in human biology have completely revamped the traditional notions of race. Race is a biological term that describes the DNA structure of an individual as a fixed attribute that cannot be changed. This idea is used in biology to discuss how different peoples adapt to environments and hence, making the term “race” have no scientific basis. Today most scientists reject the concept of race as a valid way of defining human beings. Researchers no longer believe that races are distinct biological categories created by differences in genes that people inherit from their ancestors. Genes vary, but not in the popular notion of black, white, yellow, red and brown races. Many biologist and anthropologists have concluded that race is a social, cultural and political concept based largely on superficial appearances.
In the past, races were identified by the imposition of discrete boundaries upon continuous and often discordant biological variation. The concept of race is therefore a historical construct and not one that provides either valid classification or an explanatory process.
Trace your roots. North Africans are Very different then the Africans South of the Sahara. Northern Africans could easily have roots that run close to many Arabs (sorry to break it to you).
Just wanted you to know what you were talking about.
You totally had me, until the end though.
Some black chick was smiling soo big the other day as I drove past her, made me smile too. She was “very nicely put together” I thought to myself, was wearing some killer boots too.. anyway. When she saw my face – WOW, did that smile drop. I laughed out loud. What the hell is black girls’ problems anyway???????
The world (as my friend mentioned above) DOESN”T owe you Sh*T. I haven’t done a thing to you and you have all of the same opportunities as I do.
GET OVER YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!!!
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Tammy
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I am a black woman and I have never thought that a black man owes me a damn thing! If the history is true about black African Americans then I can’t recall you(a black man)being raped and your children taken and sold. I can’t recall you making any attempt to save no one but yourself, like many of the great black women (Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, ETC) did you ever hear about them running off at the mouth. NO!
But I can recall every black man talking to damn much. I can recall you trying to talk you way out of a hanging from sleeping with the master’s wife or daughter. I can recall you running away to free yourself. And I recall today white man enjoying the love of black women than his own bottomless pit. The history of our black men means nothing their just (Dying to Talk). You are nothing without a black woman. The only black man that I would give credit to is OBAMA because he knows behind every good man lies a STRONG black woman.
Sweaty trust and believe, we are not going around thinking that you owe us anything;(FACT: The strongest of the black race is the woman= FACT: The strongest of the white race is the man). Its you who is walking around KNOWING that you owe us EVERYTHING. Because only a black woman, a black man can come from. Men like you are on the path to extinction!!!!!!!!
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whitey
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He need to admit that he looks like a monkey and he hates what he sees when he looks at himself. He want to have children that look like humans not monkeys… LOL.. White power.. soon the world would be free of you monkeys… thank god
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ReallyATrip
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I don’t agree with the generalizations in the post. For the record I date EVERYBODY lol. I am black have five sisters and we all date who we want. I will tell you this women are women in my opinion. That strong black woman thang is all bullsh*t my sisters say it, mom says it, I mean its true but damm even dead watch is right twice a day. They ALL complain, Nag and got hair issues. I grew up the male minority in my house and seen them all be righteous or full of Sh*t at any given moment. I love it when I see educated black men or women though gotta admit that…It really makes me good, real good, very proud. In undergrad I had a black Algebra professor and it made me work harder because I felt like I needed to impress him…weird huh? In HS it was difficult though, given we were all immature then the sisters seemed to only go for the Tupac or thug type and that has never been me…. but white girls were all over me…I couldn’t keep them away. They would hide out from thier parents, lie, anything to see me and I would tell them “Look this aint a good idea I know your dad Hates brothas” I remember one girlfriend I had she was ethiopian and beautiful Really beautiful …anyway when I was trying to first talk to her she looked at me and said, “Hold up, you trying to go out with me or something I thought you only liked white girls” I was like WTF?!?? I hadn’t even had a girlfriend at this school yet..She then goes “Oh you just acted and looked like that type” I didn’t explore the topic because I was horny, but in retrospect I never figured out why she said that. I thought it may be because I am light skinned with green eyes but that shouldn’t have made her think that way. My dad is black my mom is blackish (lol she’s mixed) Anyway, I don’t limit myself and nobody should outright stereotype anyone. It is all around us..I had one guy at work once say to me “Dude, what is your background” I was like what do you mean? He replied, “You know…like race…” I said, “I’m black..dude”He goes, “yea but you are not like,.. that kind of black.” I laughed and said man you watch too much f*cking T.V.. He laughed also, he was building up his courage to ask me because everything he probably knew about black people was wrong. I hang with black dudes and white dudes we all make over six figures and don’t talk sh*t like this anytime. There is only one color we are interested in and that is GREEN. The black guys I hang with date people for they have things and common with not skin color. The white guys I hang with are the same way but I will admit I have been asked on more than one occassion to “hook them up” and help them talk to a black girl. I tell them dude, walk your ass over there and say wassup…they go man I might mess it up…I am like WTF you scared of …I will walk over to a girl if she was orange with a green horn I don’t care…LOL he laughed and that gave him the courage he needed to go talk to her. I guess what I am saying in this less than eloquent rant..You shouldn’t give a sh*t if you don’t want a woman to mistreat you don’t date a damm hood-rat or trailer trash. Oh and to the chick citing stupid university and Jail statistics…try being an adolescent black man for a month, the amount of situations that surface that if the wrong decision is made will screw your life up would BOGGLE YOUR MIND..you don’t have the same pressures as a woman and never will…so I understand it would be hard for you to understand it so take it easy with that BS. I have been in situations where police stopped me for WALKING and tried to get me to throw a punch at them ..literally daring me to hit him.I just smiled at him because I knew better I knew what he wanted ie, me to knock him on his a$$ and then be hounded by legal system for months to come. The fact that I just smiled literally pissed him off….but he didn’t touch me …he knew at that point he would have to explain putting a finger on me and I would have sued his A$$ lol. BUT Some brothas werent so lucky…or didn’t have the guidance I had where my father and mother told me specifically that would happen to me sooner or later and to just ignore thier stupidness.
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ReallyATrip
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One more point, I don’t think the guy is self-loathing or confused or any of that BS I think he just was in some bad relationships with some black women, As far as cooking…I prefer to cook most of the time it’s my hobby, but I have run into MANY black and white girls in the 30′s age group that just cant do it like mama could…My kingdom for some bomb a$$ fried chicken and greens..lol” thing I waan’t even looking to post a blog anywhere I was looking for an episode to BOONDOCKS..(that’s my show!) Anyw
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C. Cooper
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I perfectly understand that this is one person who has shared his honest opinion, which he is entitled to; from his OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.
However I understand additional information is needed to completely understand the writer (example characters writer typically attracts AND pursue/ed); as well as the -/+ character of the writer.
Basically more information is needed to be offended as a Black female, and this article was accepted as JUST a honest opinion.
We are all free to love as we please!
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Nile`
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I see a hypocrite here. First he states that all black women compare him to the black men they have dated in the past. But then he turns around and compares all black women as the same. Which is false maybe he have been dating some immature black women instead of real black women. The black women he dated does not know their role.
I ‘m young a single black women and no I do not believe all men are the same whether black or white.
I do believe it is the women’s job to cook for her man. However I strongly disagree with alot of other points he discussed.
I feel that black women are the strongest women ever to walk the face of the earth My race disgusts me and upsets me at times, but I feel we are a strong race.
We have overcome many things in life there are many black women out here struggling while earning a higher education and not having to ask a man for anything.
The way this man came on here speaking as an immature adult and failing to see the mature side and mental effects history has on a race especially blacks.
Not every black person has the chance to go to a prestigious college or all white school.
I do feel that when black men date white women it tells the black woman that we are not good for anyone not even our own race. But don’t think for once that bull shit dont come with Latino or white women. Just make sure they treat you right cause both Latino and white women are more Violent when it comes to a black man. the white woman will sue your ass for all you have after you hurt her feelings, and Latino women will either have you getting beat up jumped or shoot at if you fuck over them .
And I know so many black women that stick by their man whether he cheats , broke or is in jail.
Sorry dude but you have been dating some immature black women and its not the black woman’s fault that you have a problem with finding mature women within your race so therefore you are putting the spotlight on all black woman.
You have not met every black woman in the world just like I havent met every man in the worls so How can I say that all men cheat that are men are dogs when I know I have not met all the men that makes up this world.
Maybe your mom have played a trmendous role on why you don’t like black woman .
And for the hair tying part excuse us black women for not wanting to get oil sheen and what ever else products we use in our hair on your silk pillows or even on your sheets.
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site
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I am a 50 year old black male who hasn’t dated a black woman in 10 years. Not because I don’t find them attractive or beneath my standards. I haven’t because they have not chosen me. I smile, they don’t. I flirt, they turn up their nose. You see, I’m average looking and I’m not rich. However, I’m financially secure and well mannered. I guess I’m just not exciting enough for black women.
I was raised in an all black neighborhood and eventually joined the military. I have constantly represented my race in a positive manner. No self hatred here. Let’s face it, blackness is over. There are many opportunities for all people in this world. Regardless of race. So what’s wrong with someone dating outside of their race. Why should you care? Why let the color of your skin define who you are and what you are about. Our choices are based on our experiences and our desires.
I’m more concerned about the moral decay in our families. Fix this problem and everything else will fall into place.
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lauren
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man im way late, have your prefrence, love that prefrence, but don’t demonize others. Don’t be defensive about it, and detail and explain an entire people into all these childish complaints.ie( oh no! they have to wear a scarf at nite, im rolling my eyes) but seriously is that an important factor in defining a person? not at all. That’s pretty shallow. All women are beautiful, you just like white ones. Be happy with that, and shut up,
still your sister(in the human race),
Lauren =)
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