Are You The Wifey? The Prospect? Or The Jumpoff?
Article taken from http://shcollective.com/blog/featured/lifestyle-do-titles-ruin-relationships/
Written By: Ainz Neal
A few concepts and feelings have been conducting a ping-pong tournament in my head. Unfortunately it’s aiding in the creation of a major writer’s block. Before I am unable to hold my head up, due to the weight of the bricks,
I am compelled to squeeze out this post, and share a bit of what’s been on my mind. It is to my understanding that to a man there are three types of women/titles when it comes to relationships and dealing with the opposite sex:
1. The wifey (could also be a serious girlfriend, fiancée, baby mother?)
2. The prospect (semi -serious girlfriend, still feeling her out, will be seen in public with her)
3. The jump off (the down for whatever type chick, call her up when you feel lonely, no regular/consistent contact is kept, no emotions or feelings are shared)
Simple right?
Sometimes women work their way up in rank from the prospect to the wifey or even from the jump off to the prospect, and then maybe wifey. But what happens when the lines become blurred and the woman in the relationship is not given a title or category? Complete and utter confusion, that’s what! From a woman’s perspective we require everything upfront, which is why we ask 50 questions per minute, constantly get accused of nagging and throwing tantrums.
Yea, I wrote accused.
I cannot stress how important it is that we are as thorough as possible in our relationships. I recently threw a tantrum (yes, admittedly) because I have found myself in dealings with a “friend”, who I vibe with on everything, everything but the title issue. We are intimate on occasions, we share mutual friends, and we share jokes and go on mini adventures in the city together. Because of his past dealings with the opposite sex, he has stated to me repeatedly that he is “anti-relationship”. First off, I respect his view. Secondly, I don’t believe him for one second, and I know that it is unhealthy for anyone to make that kind proclamation, for it is a self fulfilling prophecy.
It is my belief that when we make that kind of proclamation we set ourselves up for heart break and misery.
So I threw my tantrum and stated that I did not want to see him again because the “friendship” is no longer comfortable for me and that I felt like a slut.
Afterward I regretted deeply saying what I did. Not because I’m a softie, or because I don’t have any integrity, but because I did not stop to look at the progress of the relationship.
I only looked at the fact that I did not have a title. Somehow I feared how others would view the relationship and that things would only get worse in the long run, without a title, now whose declaring the self fulfilling prophecy?
My “friend” brought to light a very important point; that had me thinking. He did not treat me like a jump off, so he did not understand why I felt like a jump off?
In retrospect, the relationship has progressed from the time we initiated our “union”. I feel like I know him better and we are more honest and open with each other than before.
Growth in our relationship is evident, I may not have the fancy title, but I now know that we are on the same page with one of the most important aspects of any relationship- Respect.
Needless to say we went back and forth on the issue, and I left it by saying “it’s not over”, just because I need to have the last word.
So my SHC folks, what do you think?
I know you enjoy your brand names, but how important is it for us to have labels/titles on our relationships?
Are titles overrated? Am I setting myself up for disaster?
Contributing Writer: Goddess Intellect
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Tags: jumpoff, non stop radio, prospect, radio the rahim, relationships, wifey
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Comments (5)
Figz
| #
I’m a guy saying this and I think that one of the perfect visual examples that correlates with this topic is last year’s “Sex And The City”.
Women let the people in their ear determine what it is that they believe. I say take a step back and think for yourself and talk with the person you are with.
The only reason why the lines are blurred is because there is no communication; plain and simple.
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Dr. J
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Interesting article here. Especially because it’s written by a female. I love when women feel empowered to have a jumpoff situation and end up getting their feelings hurt. That’s what they get.
I actually prefer the 906 Lancaster Rules of classification:
The JO – just beats. it ain’t no fun, if the homies can’t have none.
Your chick – beats, chilling with on occasion, seen out in public only in groups. the homie’s can’t have none.
The W – #1 go-to beats. you actually are careful not to piss this one off. you date this one, but not exclusively.
The Wif – when the chick goes from “a” chick your beating to “the” chick your beating.
The Wifey – “y’all seen the key to these handcuffs?!”
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uncensoredmind
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labels are important because they are easily understood, in that they are kinda pre-defined and we all readily know what they mean.
without “titles”, expectations and actions can be mis-read and this lines get blurred and things get out of hand. i agree with Figz in that if communication was flowing in a way that everyone ended up on the same page then we could avoid all this confusion.
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ainz
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good looking for the love.
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SoSweet
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To everyone: Without communication of what is expected in the relationship, someone is probably going to be expecting more than the other. My advice is to lay it out up front (well maybe not the first date but you know what I mean)… and never believe a man when he says he doesn’t “do” relationships because he’s lying. ANY man will settle down with the woman that he thinks is worth it.
If he tells you that he’s either “not ready for a relationship” or “doesn’t get into relationships”, he’s really just saying he likes you and wants to keep you around but he also wants to keep his options open. I’ve been there once (and I felt like an idiot), and I was afraid to communicate that I either wanted the title or I wanted out of the situation but it was agonizing to remain in what I like to call the “Gray Area”… it’s not black or white but somewhere in the middle and it makes the “relationship” topic very fragile. Sooo communicate early (usually before the sex), while you’re still in the white, and before it starts to fade to gray, so you don’t wind up in the black.
But this is just my opinion…thanks for reading
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