May My Determination & Enthusiasm Be Contagious. (Well Wishes for 2011.)

I’m making a lot of changes for 2011. I’m moving to a new city in a new state for a new year with a new plan. I’m really excited. In the very back of my mind I’m a bit nervous I’ll fail…and I just might…..but I don’t really care. So, that voice gets brushed aside. I’ve got a lot planned and no way will I win ‘em all. I’m okay with that though. 90% or higher success rate over the next 12 months AND learning from my mistakes will be a solid year’s work.

I’m going into the calendar year in which I will turn 25. It’s not until October but it’s still next year and it’s a big milestone birthday. I remember when I was younger I would think about what my life would be like at different ages….so far I am doing allllriiiight. Not perfect, but the path is pretty accurate, the mentality is there and my self has not been lost along the way. But, at *TWENTY-FIVE* I saw myself a little more advanced than I am as of now. Mind you, 25 arrived awfully fast!!! Even at 24, I’m not quite an adult but I’m no kid either. And any behavior as such is SO not cute and not at all acceptable.

I’m excited to make advancements not only academically and in my career, but also to just make healthier lifestyle choices. There’s a gym in my apt complex. I’m going to be in there 4 days a week and I’ve already found a nice yoga & pilates studio near my house that I’m going to be checking out (1st class is free!). Alcohol consumption will be reduced as well. My body will thank me….both immediately and in my 30s and 40s!! #futurecougar.

I’m looking forward to a life that is a bit slower. I want time to relax. Enjoy life. Having more time to read, write, travel and take time for me. Not have to spend it working, commuting and living the metropolitan lifestyle. I’m looking forward to cooking on a much more regular basis. Healthier, cheaper…and to be honest…much more tasty!! (I I feel I must confess I’ve already been tempted by the Krispy Kreme down there…I figure since I’ll be on such good behavior, I’ll deserve to be rewarded and spoiled once in a blue. Oh…there’s a Chipotle too! Smh I digress.)

A healthier lifestyle also includes the people in my life. With that schedule, it would be a shame to put solid physical health to waste by not expunging the mental cancers in my life. We all have them. They might be friends, family members, lovers, ex-lovers, coworkers or even people in your network. We all have those people who drain our energy; drain our spirit. Do what I’m doing: Evaluate…then amend or eradicate. Some relationships take more work than others. Decide if it’s worth it for YOU. Some are…some people, even though not perfect, really contribute to your life, despite being a challenge. Others though, detract from your life and add little to it, all while wreaking havoc on your spirit and mental health. Let yourself be great.

I find that any activities I have difficultly imagining turn out to fall through for various reasons before taking place. I picture myself doing all of these things. I feel a fire in my belly that I haven’t felt in quite a while. A determination I forgot I had.

I’m ready for change. I’m ready for growth. I’m ready for more responsibility. And, most importantly, I’m excited to meet the established, distinguished, grown-up version of Duncan Meredith Brown.

Take some time and think about what you did well this year and what lessons you learned so as not to repeat those same mistakes again. Make sure you’re adding to your legacy, no matter what that may be. Don’t waste time. You’re not getting younger and time moves quicker every.single.year.

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!!

Love,

Duncan

My Top 5 Dream Collabos —  written by Duncan 

In light of all the fabulous team work going on in music these days…I began to think about who I’d really love to see come together in a studio.

5) Nicki Minaj with a verse from Fabolous.

I’d like to see them do a sexual record. Any song with an appearance from Fab is usually pretty dope (just a verse though…no chorus.)

and yeah, we heard this already:

NEXT>>

There is a negative connotation associated with prenuptial agreements.  Now, I am not married, I’m not engaged…I’m not even dating anyone special right now; I don’t need to be any of those things to imagine what kind of response you might get after telling your special someone, “Baby, I love you…but I’m not marrying you without a prenup.” I can see the person on the receiving end of such a request saying something like “So you’re already planning for this to end, huh?”…or “What kind of a person do you think I am?”

I think both of those are valid responses to a prenup request. However, should I find a man who makes me want to walk down the aisle in all white…there will already be a prenup, signed, sealed & delivered….and NOW I’m yours.

Yes. I want a prenup. Let’s say I get married..and my husband and I grow, build and prosper together. Excellent. Should we get a divorce, all of that is fair game.  However! When it comes time for me to take someone else’s last name (which is also up for negotiation, but that’s another post), there will be things I have earned and obtained on my own, prior to that glorious day. This list could include, but is not limited to: property, furniture, brands, stocks, business(es), wealth, etc. There are certain things I just refuse to give someone the opportunity to take away from me.

It’s a natural response to say “Why get married if you expect it to end?” or even, “If you’re going into a marriage expecting failure, that’s exactly what you’ll get.” True indeed…but the key word here is *expect*. I don’t think anybody EXPECTS their marriage to end…but you already know those statistics. Sometimes, shit just happens. People change. Haven’t you ever been in a relationship with someone and thought “I can’t imagine my life without this person”…then you break up…and a few months later you think “Thank GOD that person isn’t in my life anymore!”?? There’s no guarantee that won’t happen in a marriage. It might take 2 months…2 years…or 25 years. I don’t see a prenup as expecting the marriage to end…I see it as being prepared for all possible outcomes.

For me specifically, it’s not the actual ending of the marriage that makes me want a prenup…it’s how people behave when they’re hurt. That saying “hurt-people hurt people” is no joke. People get really malicious and vindictive when they feel they’ve been wronged..men and women alike. Think about it-you have no idea how someone will handle a break-up until you actually get there. Rash decisions are very often the decisions that can’t be undone. And again…I REFUSE to give someone the opportunity to f-ck with anything I made for myself, BY myself while I was by myself.

(Don’t get it twisted, my prenup will also protect whatever my husband came into the marriage with also. I play fair.)

How would you respond if your honey told you there would be no wedding without a prenup? Do you want a prenup of your own?

Single and accumulating,

Duncan

 Editor:::: Have a topic you’d like Duncan to discuss? Send topics to duncan@thisisthedream.com

What I Learned From Dating Women….

Yes. That’s what I said. Dating women. Dating women made me a better female for men to date. Dating women allowed me to understand why men get so irritated with the things women do. Even though I’m a female who has been guilty of all of these things, none of which are necessarily intentional or malicious, I was able to understand how it can get on a man’s last nerve!!

I hope this helps…

▪       Constant Affirmation

Women are maintenance. When dating a man, they need only be told they’re sexy, smart, liked and appreciated about once a month. Women, on the other hand, begin to get worried if they don’t hear some sort of verbal affirmation at least once a week. Even the most confident, secure women will begin to wonder “Does he still want me?…Is he seeing someone else?” after a few weeks with little or no flattery. However, men have a difficult time expressing their emotions. Feeling pressured to so on a daily basis will either drive a man crazy…or drive him away.

⁃     Ladies-If a man is with you, 9 out of 10 times it is because he WANTS to be with you. Let him love you in his own way. There’s a difference between true neglect and simply a lack of expression.

⁃         Fellas-Try to compliment your woman at least once a week. Don’t make it generic or recycled. If she looks exceptionally sexy one day, tell her. If you think you’re lucky to have her, let her know why. If you have XXX sex one night, shoot her a quick text or an email the next day describing your favorite part (this way she can keep it and look back at it later…yes…we really do that.) Worst case scenario….send her flowers every once in a while. Doing the “little things” will increase your chances of avoiding a ‘Let’s discuss our feelings’ chat.

▪       Unnecessary Jealousy

Some females tend to get really upset when someone checks out or hits on the person they’re dating. (Ladies…it should only be a problem if NO ONE looks at your man!) Women get mad if a female who used to be a girlfriend, sex-buddy, or object of lust is still present in a man’s life. Here’s the thing, ladies. There will ALWAYS be a woman is hotter, taller, funnier and smarter than you. Always. Getting worked up about it won’t change anything, except perhaps your man’s perception of you. Insecurity is never sexy. Spending time obsessing and arguing about other women he checks out in the street or women he knows will only make you seem less attractive and less pleasant to be around. If you have SERIOUS reason to believe your man is cheating, that’s a different story. But if he’s telling you about this person, there’s a very strong chance you have nothing to worry about.

⁃     Ladies-Remember, beauty is only skin deep. There are beautiful women all around you. There is something about you that pleases your honey and made him choose you. Stop worrying about those chicks and start enjoying your man!!

⁃         Fellas-We know you look. I know that you probably still have some sort of communication with some of the chicks you used to smash or always wanted to smash. There’s a big difference between looking and touching. Respect your woman. If you think this female is someone who might step out of line (you saw Obsessed, right??), cut her out of your life. Oh…and save yourself a headache by not doing sneaky shit. Because, some way or another, your girl WILL find out. Help yourself be great and don’t give your girl extra reasons to get worked up!!

▪       Hearing Something Completely Different Than What Was Said

This was really the most profound lesson I learned from having a girlfriend. No matter how innocent of a comment, no matter how direct…women have a tendency to hear something COMPLETELY different than what you tell them.

Example: I dated my girlfriend for over a year in college. One semester I was living in the dorms and she had a house off-campus. For those of you who went to college, you know the dorm beds are only comfortable for 2 sleeping bodies if   you want to spoon and cuddle all night. One night I was incredibly tired and just wanted to sprawl out in my bed alone. I called my girl and said “Hey babe. I’m   super tired. I’m just gonna go back to my room, do some work and knock out. Let’s do breakfast in the morning.”……

What she heard: “Hey. I don’t love you anymore.    I don’t want to be around you. I may or may not be sleeping with someone else tonight, but either way, I don’t want to see you.” ……….Ummm what?!? Smh…it turned into a big argument…all because I was tired and just wanted to sleep in my little bed alone!

⁃     Ladies- Just because your man doesn’t want to see you one night, doesn’t mean he never wants to hang out again. Just because he doesn’t oohh and ahhh over your new outfit doesn’t mean you don’t look good in it. Men operate differently. They don’t get excited about the same things we do. And they definitely like their space and alone time. They WANT to miss you. Sometimes, when a man says he’s tired and is going to just go home and go to sleep…it means NOTHING more than he’s tired and wants to go home and go to sleep!! It doesn’t always mean that he’s going to go out clubbing and start singing “Which one of y’allll?!” in his Trey Songz voice.

⁃         Fellas- Sadly, this one I can’t really explain. I’m not sure why women do it. I know *I* even do it sometimes…even after dating a woman. My best advice? Be as clear and concise as you can. Mean what you say and say what you mean. If the woman you’re dealing with is sane and logical, she’ll begin to notice your pattern of honesty and good behavior.

These are just a few lessons I learned about women while dating women that have shaped me into a better woman for men to date. Ladies, PLEASE take note!!

Talk to me, guys. What other female behavior patterns drive you nuts and/or make ZERO sense to you? I’ll do my best to try and make sense of them.

Until next time…

Don't Be Like Her, Please.

Despite being educated, independent, funny, motivated, beautiful and witty, some BRILLIANT women still do STUPID, STUPID things when it comes to men, sex and love. I can’t really explain why we do it…even as I wrote this list, I knew I was guilty of doing these things in the past, even though I KNOW I know better…

Ladies… stop doing these things and start letting yourself BE GREAT!

Fellas….go ahead and show this to the women in your life: girlfriends, wives, sisters & friends.

So here goes..

(Click below for more)