Editor’s Note: I felt as though this was appropriate to post now after watching the video below, and feeling some kind of way about it.  Voice your commentary in that comment box after if you feel moved to.  This post is from our Last Dollar Van To Brooklyn e-book.

Click “continue reading” below to read the full text if you’re on the homepage.

By @DrJayJack

Recently in the news we found out that it may be trouble on the home front for Will Smith and Jada Pinkett, but what does that really mean?  I don’t think it really means anything to us mere mortals.  We’ve got to stop looking at couples like Will & Jada or Barack & Michelle as if they truly represent Black love.  Let’s keep it all the way 100, it really doesn’t represent the majority of Black love in America.  In reality, we need look no further than outside the window of our apartment high-rise to see Uncle Scooter still think nobody peeped that he has an “awkward” relationship with his stepdaughter.  To be honest, that’s not what was so alarming about the situation to me.  What was alarming about the situation was that Jada allegedly got caught cheating on Will with Marc Anthony who was guest starring on her TNT show, Hawthorne, at the time.  Now we can have a conversation all day long about could it really be considered cheating since they are in a open relationship, but it was alarming to me that nobody said anything about the fact that Jada cheated on a Black man with a Latino man.

Jews and Gentiles, it’s been awhile. I hope u missed me as much as I missed you. First things first, let me start by wishing everyone a happy Holiday season. Whatever it is that you celebrate, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or the Chinese New Year.  The reason I haven’t posted anything recently is because these posts are inspired by alcohol induced nights, and I have been detoxing. It was a part of my end of the year self-improvement process. It was that, reading the bible, working out and not arguing with my roomate when he cooks fish. A good experience all in all, but I, my friends needed a drink. Which brings me to Thanksgiving Eve.
On this night, notoriously one of the bigger party nights of the year, me and my friends from this website threw a holiday party to benefit inner city youth around the holidays. Unfortunately we couldn’t let the kiddies in. Rahim, Duncan and myself put together a beautiful event which featured free Belvedere Intense (I’ll get back to that Smh), Stall and Dean giveaways, some models, industry folk, a girl with a platinum Mohawk etc. I arrived late because of the longest day in job orientation history. The event was from 7-12, essentially an afterwork. You know how those go, few drinks, some networking, maybe someone gets lucky in a dark stairwell.

View Pictures: ThisistheDream 1st Annual Holiday Charity Party [Here].

Anyway, I had to get there no later than 8:30 CPT. And when I walked in this “afterwork”, it was a full fledged PARTY, a dubfest at that! For those who aren’t in the know, a dubfest is where everyone is dancing with someone. I mean girls in party dresses, work apparel, leopard print catsuits, it was madness. My homie DJ Crossova had it turned up!!! So I’m saying my hellos and kissing babies on my way to the Upper Room for my free Belve. As SOON as I get off the last step a drink is placed in my hand. I’m told it’s “pineapple & intense”, but I only saw Intense. So after that cup I was ready. My main man KeV introduces me to the bartender. Here’s a tip people. Whenever someone introduces you to a bartender, WALK AWAY!!! That means that bartender is getting that person fucked up!!! Now I have nothing against a bartender who pours a lil more alcohol because they’re heavy handed. What I do mind is this particular bartender who had a strong case of heavy handed(ed)ness. If that sounds like a made up word, it is. But apparently he didn’t know when he told me “Sorry I’m heavy handeded”. Pause that if you need to. Anyway I looked at him crazy when he said “handeded”, but maybe he was smarter than he sounded. Maybe he was trying to tell me that he pours way more liquor than he’s supposed to. Or maybe he just didn’t know what the f*ck a chaser was. This normally wouldn’t phase me, reference previous posts.  But the fact that I just finished a 2 week detox, I was more vulnerable than a freshman at her very first frat party.  And then he has the nerve to say I’m not a drinker.  The mind games were out of control at this point.  So me having all the drinking bravado and machismo that I have, continued to drink these “mixed drinks”.  They were about as mixed as that nappy head jawn in junior high who told u her great grandmother is Indian. All I know is it was 9 Pm and I looked at my watch again and it was 1145. From what I hear, I was in rare form. And we did raise a substantial amount of money for the charity. All in all a good night.
I’ll leave you with this last tidbit. The year is coming to a close so I would like to extend a challenge to you all. One of my fellow writers, Duncan always tells people to keep it real, no matter the situation or consequence. I challenge you, yea you reading this while your coworker is squinting at your screen so they can snitch. The next time you speak to someone, tell them how you really feel about them. It’s such a cleansing experience. Coming from a person who just recently detoxed, those are powerful words. Be blessed.

 
What You Think Coronitas Are For?

by 1Bad_AzZ_WRiTER

Whether you are a Mom or Dad, in a conventional family or single setting chances are, you are thinking about your children 23.5 hours of the day.  Besides their physical and psychological development and financial stresses that are hoisting themselves on your shoulders daily, their social growth & development should have just as much bearing.  

Children need to experience as much as possible early in life.  Playing sports, instruments and travelling all give them the opportunity to learn scheduling and hard work.  This isn’t new, we all know this – It creates avenues for them to be around a lot of kids with different ideas & talents and of course they are more likely to be a functioning member of society and stay out of trouble. 

I’m so tired of hearing people say that any little mistake a parent makes is considered “the ghetto way of raising kids”.  No matter what your race, creed, color etc…  The possibility that your simply practicing bad parenting habit’s is high, and that doesn’t mean you’re ghetto, it means you’re inconsiderate of your children’s development. 

Your child lives & breathes F-U-N!
It drives me out of my mind – crazy to see parents yelling and fussing at their kids for things kids are supposed to be doing like, jumping, running, playing, dancing, singing, laughing, eating, BREATHING!  Things get hectic in our day to day lives, and we forget that the development of our children is important during every second their life, and everything we deny them is something they will remember for the rest of their lives.  Don’t you?  Kids are excited and eager to have your attention, sometimes they don’t even necessarily want you to play with them – they may just want you to watch them play, really watch – not be on the phone, cleaning, doing laundry just watch them, if you notice they look at you to see if your watching.  They ask you questions and learn from your action.  They want to be acknowledged as people.  If you push your kids off all the time they will eventually get tired of asking and decide to learn on their own.

Papi, Papi, Papi…
I remember as a child when I would jump up and down grabbing my father’s arm screaming “Papi, Papi, Papi” he would stop in his tracks (even while talking to an important ‘big person’); kindly remind me to say “excuse me” and ask me what I needed.  He always made me feel like a person in the room no matter who was around or what was happening I always felt like the most important person in his life, and he made me feel like that. 

My kids are so fresh! 
It’s your fault that your children are all hung up on clothes, shoes & accessories when you spend $5000 on your kindergartener’s wardrobe that they are going to grow out of by April.  The pressure of going through these ridiculous lengths to keep kids up with the status quo is at its all time high – or should I say low. 

Your child has the latest Jordan’s, the finest leathers and more bling than Jacob himself – but hasn’t been tucked in or read a book in ages.  If you’re ignoring your kids when they ask you to spend time with them but buy all of the latest kicks, clothes & video games; all they will have left is; kicks, clothes & video games.   That is all they will ever deem important in their life, and they will decide at a young age that that is an expressional form of love. 
 
Acting like a child in front of your children is not cool
How can you be upset when your kids get in trouble at school when you have them around your friends and in the streets with you and around other badass parents & kids.  If you have too much attitude and not enough empathy, love, and understanding guess what… so will your children.  This isn’t rocket science.  Children are sponges so I’ll type S-L-O-W here.  Whatever you expose your children to is what they will ultimately be.  The fact is that a child can learn up to 10 languages in the first 10 years of their life, what makes you think they can’t absorb every simple thing you’ve done in front of them for the first 10 years.  I learned how to roll a blunt when I was 6 just from watching my Father, he never smoked in front of me – but Mami had to tell him to stop rolling in front of me after I rolled mud in a leaf perfectly for a neighbor.
 
You’re raising a person

A very good friend of mine, who I call “Supermom”, is wonderful at doing this.  She speaks to her daughter like a person, teaches her at every opportunity in two languages and creates an understanding and trust between her and her daughter that I do not see often anymore between parents and children.  I find her method more successful than focusing on each stage your child goes through, the goo-goo/ga-ga phase, toddler phase, school age and so on.  There is one ultimate goal here: To raise a healthy, socially functional, socially accepted, non-dirtbag child.

You, as a parent, control that by what you expose them to.  If you’re surrounding yourself in circumstances you don’t ever want to see your children in, STOP.  There is a major difference between your child having experiences and you exposing them to an experience they have no personal control over.  If a child cannot say, “stop this behavior, I am uncomfortable” then it’s not fair to put them in situations where non child like activities are going on.  I know this is hard to control, but let’s be fair to both the parent and the child here.  You know what’s wrong is wrong and what’s right is going to make your child a better person later in life.

Asking Questions

There is no more truth than asking a child something.  Children are not natural liars.  They may seem like they are but the more questions you ask the more truth will come out.  I don’t care if it’s something you heard them say that’s out of character, something you think they ate, or something more serious.  When your child expresses something to you, remember listening to your children when they talk will give you a definite insight as to what’s happening with them.  This is easier said than done, sometimes it takes come cunning on your part, but it’s as important as feeding them & making sure they brush their teeth.

Acting like a hoe, lady in front of your children

Maybe I’m too old school, but little girls should be acting like a lady, standing up straight, keeping their legs closed when they wear dresses, and not sitting on any man’s lap other than their Father.  I’ve seen women basically leave their kids alone to run out with a man.  Find just any babysitter for the night, or straight neglect their child over a man.  I’ve heard woman say that they don’t expose their children to other men other than the Father and saw those same women have multiple men around their children in both friendly and sexual atmospheres.  I’ve seen women kiss & hug & rub on men in front of their children.  I’ve seen women invite men to come into their home while their child still home.  They so concerned with getting pizzled out by a stranger in the bedroom, and their child is innocently sleeps in the next room.  Some women will do anything in their power to be important to a man in his eyes, even abandon the needs of her children for him.  We’ve all heard the horror stories, so why are you still doing this?  There are too many crazies out there and believe it or not – they are not concerned with the development of your child, or how they will perceive your midnight rendezvous. 

 Encouraging your children to fight

Life is not the MMA, StrikeForce, UFC or WWE & even though this is a huge movement right now, it doesn’t make it o.k. for your kids to be fighting in public.  I had an interesting conversation with a close friend who had a LONG talk with her son after enrolling him in karate.  She explained to him that Karate, and other after school activities are, first & foremost, a privilege and a reward for good grades & good behavior in school.  If things aren’t going well in school there is no Karate.   If you’re caught fighting outside of Karate, there is no more Karate – there is no practicing at home without a parent (not friends – an actual adult) outside of Karate.  Truth is, out of all the MMA or professional fighters I’ve met, they all say they do not fight outside the ring for a few reasons.  The first, obviously not wanting to hurt someone, the other being that it is a respected sport that needs to be practiced with much finesse.

Parents of teenager’s

As a teenager, just graduated from High School, and headed off to college, my Parents gave me a car.  It was a hooptie, but it was Red, and it was mine.  Before handing me the keys there was a list of rules I was to agree to (and sign to lol) before I could drive it.
 
1) “If you get a speeding ticket the car will be taken from you for 3 months.  Two speeding tickets – 6 months no car.  Three speeding tickets – no car.  Ever”
     Needless to say, I never got a speeding ticket.
 
2)  “No one but you is allowed to drive the car or you will not be covered under our insurance policy again. And we will take the car for 6 months”
     I rarely let someone else drive except on long trips and I confirmed it with them first.
    
3) “If you ever get caught drunk driving, or any other form of DWI, you can never drive the car again, and you will never be covered under our insurance policy.”
     The one time I got really drunk, I called my Mom, & she picked me up in NYC at 4:30am, and I picked the car up the next day. 

It makes so much sense to take the time out to pay attention to your children, to have these conversations with them, explain to them why you are doing this & lay down the law or ground rules.  Structure is all that children need to flourish, give them a path and they will make it their own boulevard, as long as you give them the right tools to build with.