"Dear Blackberry," An Open Letter To A Smartphone By @GypsyTearz

Posted by Rahim The Dream at 5:14 PM #ohyoufancyhuh, blackberry, blog, guest blogger, haute hump day, hump day, relationships 1 Response »
Sep 022010

Dear Blackberry-

I think this letter is the hardest thing I ever had to do but here goes… I’ve decided we can no longer continue our relationship.

It’s not you…it’s me!

We had a good run! I remember the day I first got with you. The sidekick was becoming more and more juvenile and the excuses grew on why my update wouldn’t come fast enough or why my signal was lost for hours at a time. You saved me from enduring more childish behavior. I thank you for bringing me into another level of adulthood. With a signal click, I was able to check my work email, facebook, twitter, messages with ease! The greatest gift of all is BBM! I praise you a thousand times for allowing me to have easy access to my friends and family. You were the one that was able to tell me if someone was straight up ignoring me…(R is for read…. Sigh the memories) Thank you for allowing me to be a part of BBM groups that ALLOWED ME TO BE GREAT!

However, with the good come the bad and the ugly! Unfortunately my dear, bad prevailed! Our once great love affair turned into an abuse relationship. You were IKE and I was TINA! You were cold as ice the way you froze on me!  How many times did I have to pop out you battery??? Remember the time that you were having an affair with the hourglass??? Don’t pretend like you didn’t…you flaunted it right on your screen! O! And what about the time that you turned off and DIDN’T TURN BACK on until I was ready to return your ass back to the company!!! Missed calls and my phone didn’t even ring 0_0.  You think because you upgraded yourself from the scroll on the side to the Curve to the Bold, and now to a sensor pad…that I would stay? O! #youfancyhuh? Well guess what? I’m Tina kicking yo ass in the limo! Your lack of regard, jealousy, treachery has leaded me to believe that I loved you too long for such maltreatment…

With that said, I have caught the eye of another.  You see I’ve been eyeing them for weeks! And as of yesterday we’ve been talking!

His name is the Samsung Epic. Last name Sprint. He is sleek, got 4g capability, 5 megapixel camera, apps for days, and runs on the Android 2.0 system…so POW! He made me realize you were Mr. Right Now! Obviously for me, he is Mr. Right!

Well I wish you all the best and hope you continue to grow and prosper and make someone else happy

Ciao-

Bye For Now (Y)

@gypsytearz

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Bloggerphobia: Anybody or Any One Of You Can Get It!

Posted by Rahim The Dream at 4:58 PM #ohyoufancyhuh, Classic Tweets, FUNNY, blog, bloggerphobia, hip hop blog, twitter, twitter situations No Responses »
Aug 312010

“Bloggin’ Ass Bloggers! ” – A King

Question:
How do you know that you’ve never been posted about?

Bloggin' Ass Bloggers

Almost everyone has a facebook, a blog, or a twitter.

You know that day when you ran out the house quick lookin like you got dressed in the dark?
You might be a twitpic somewhere.
The day you forgot to wear deodarant and you smelled like a goat sh*t sandwich?
Posted. I bet it was definitely tweeted.

Do you suffer from bloggerphobia? Fear of bloggers.

I came up with this idea, because I was doing some real cupcake ish being out with my girl and her friends hangin out at a bar the other night and I ran into a fellow blogger, who has been known to to grab a keyboard and  hurt somebodys feelings or put em on blast if he feels like it. I was like damn, let me be easy. What up Seattle!

Oh yeah, and I also steal peoples twitpics for work– and label them all crazy before providing them to radio station jocks around the country.  Ask Big Tigger. You thought Bossip was bad?

Haha you might be gettin clowned on the radio right now, my bad.
Its a bloggy blog world,
Rahim

P.s. Don’t start actin different around me now.

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Are You Suffering From Ungratefulness? Find Out If This Blog Is About You...Or Me.

Posted by Rahim The Dream at 7:41 PM #ohyoufancyhuh, Rev Rah, black movies, black people business, blog, rahim the dream, relationships, removing friends on facebook No Responses »
Aug 272010

Recently, I posted up on my facebook a quote that I found about 3 types of UNs, and I asked which of them was the worst. The three types were:

My Facebook Is Poppin, BTW

UNinspired, UNexcited, and the UNgrateful

Yep, I feel inspired and excited to talk about UNgrateful people.

First of all, all of us,  including myself, probably has been or is being ungrateful to someone–right now…and if you don’t think its you, you’re wrong. Trust me someone is o_O ‘ing you right now, thinking ’bout how they lent you fitty cent in the 6th grade that day for chocolate milk cuz you’re broke ass was chokin on butter crunch and forgot to bring extra funds.

these joints was delish

Me?

I like the lion and the mouse story, so I have this mental list of everybody who looked out for me as I was coming up to which I one day will probably never but it sounds nice return their favor whether it be with an undisclosed amount or some sort of favor. #allhetero


However, someone is probably o_O‘ing me right now too, sheeit.
I was going to get into a longer rant, but effit. The point of the story is this. People have long memories for what we give and shorter ones for what we get…and  magic johnsons words go a long way.

So to anyone that I:
Lent a helpful ear to

Made smile

Lent money to

Helped start a website

Helped motivate to chase their dreams, or better,

You’re welcome.

And everybody that did the same or better for me, thank you!

No for real, thank you.

Next time you think I’m being ungrateful, read this again.

Blame my mind not my heart.

I say all this to say, Yo Ray Ray I swear if you don’t gimme back my 2 dollars and fifteen cent I’m finna cut you I know you get paid on the 15th and the 30th man and don’t think I aint see you twitpic’in about them new jordans, you play too damn much I don’t know. To be honest some ungrateful ass just made me feel like ranting.

Peace,

Rahim

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5 Stupid Things Smart Women Do By @MyNameIsDuncan

Posted by MyNameIsDuncan at 3:49 PM @MyNameIsDuncan, blog, guest blogger, relationships No Responses »
Aug 262010

Don't Be Like Her, Please.

 

Despite being educated, independent, funny, motivated, beautiful and witty, some BRILLIANT women still do STUPID, STUPID things when it comes to men, sex and love. I can’t really explain why we do it…even as I wrote this list, I knew I was guilty of doing these things in the past, even though I KNOW I know better…

Ladies… stop doing these things and start letting yourself BE GREAT!

Fellas….go ahead and show this to the women in your life: girlfriends, wives, sisters & friends.

So here goes..

#1 Being a sponsor.

There is a difference between treating your man to dinner, buying him a nice watch, taking him to a football game, etc…and paying his phone bill, letting him hold your car (with an expired or non-existent license), paying for him to go out clubbing (without you), or just plain straight-up sponsoring your man.

            Did you give birth to this man? No? Then why do you feel the need to be his caretaker and provider?? I’m all for holding down your man during rough times…spoiling your man and treating him nicely (no matter your budget). But you should NOT be this man’s sponsor!!!

            Everybody would rather spend someone else’s money than spend their own. I don’t knock anybody for being in a situation where people are paying for them; it’s not my style, but I can definitely see the benefits of the situation. But here’s the thing…no man-ERR, scratch that..no PERSON-would give up such a cushy situation. If you are paying his way now, unless it’s only a temporary situation (laid off work, etc.), chances are you will continue to pay his way for the remainder of the relationship. Unless the man is extra stupid, he will NOT fuck that up!!  

 

#2 Listening to your girlfriends more than you listen to yourself

How many times have you had a chit-chat with ya homegirl, had some “epiphany”…and then called up your man to tell him about your newly-found wisdom? And how did that work out for you?? I’ll wait….

You don’t want your man to be coerced by his friends, right? Same rules apply for us, ladies. Let’s keep it a buck…regardless of how much you love your girls…they don’t always speak with YOUR best interest at heart. Some women are jealous, some women are insecure; some women are haters and some women don’t understand men nearly as much as they’re convinced they do. Chances are…you’ve got at least ONE friend who has at least ONE of those qualities. While you shouldn’t disregard everything your girlfriends say, you should definitely look at who is sending the message. What’s their history like, both personally and romantically? At the end of the day, YOU are the only one living your life. Any decision you make should be based on YOUR thoughts, YOUR feelings, YOUR goals and YOUR needs.

 

#3 Painting the picture of Mr. “Perfect”

Almost every female I know has done this at one time or another: You meet a guy…physically, he’s your type.  Check. You strike up a conversation and he’s got nice teeth, he’s speaks like an educated man..fresh cut..maybe a nice watch or a nice car. Check. He voted for Obama. Check. He’s a Lebron fan and says he’ll never be a Gucci or Waka Flocka fan. Check and chiggidy-check!!! You continue to chat for the next few days…finding you have more and more in common…afterwhich you think to yourself…”Wow…this man is sexy and smart…we have so many things in common”…while you drift off into fantasy land…subconsciously you start filling in details of what you assume a man who likes what he tells you he likes, would like for other things…or would do in certain situations…or would do in the bedroom, etc, etc, etc……..Fast forward to a situation where you had expectations he would behave a particular way..he does not. You are disappointed and upset. You then say: “all men are the same.”

 

But all men are NOT the same. Some are dirtbags, some aren’t. Just because a man didn’t do what YOU assumed he would do in a certain situation, doesn’t mean he should be written off, or that he’s a Dog. It might just mean he’s human..and not perfect. And I got news for you honey: Neither are you!

            When a female meets a seemingly great man, it’s exciting. As women, we come into contact with a lot of washed dudes. Corny, involved, emotionally unavailable, rude, stupid, lazy, dishonest….the list goes on. So when we meet a man who is handsome, smart, kind and motivated…immediately women get excited. It’s already such a rarity to find, perhaps we just can’t help ourselves. So we start to paint this picture in our minds (9 times out of 10 it is a subconscious act) of what  we think this man will be like as a whole based on the information we have thus far. But it is IMPOSSIBLE to know what someone will do in a situation until they are actually IN that situation. Stop filling in details and remind yourself that it takes TIME to learn someone. Be patient. If you do that, I guarantee you’ll have less disappointment down the road.

#4 Having Unprotected Sex

This should go without saying. Sadly, we live in a world where both infidelity and STDs run RAMPANT!! It is SO important to get tested regularly, even if you’re in a committed, long-term relationship. Any time you start sleeping with a new partner, you should both get tested TOGETHER!! Is it a little awkward and uncomfortable to discuss a status with a partner? Sure-but imagine how awkward and uncomfortable it would be to tell someone “I have herpes!”.

If you and your man are both clean, there should be no hesitation to go get tested and to discuss sexual health. If dude gets agitated over a topic like this, that is an automatic RED FLAG!!

More importantly, when you’re with someone, you should still be using condoms. Just because a man tells you he’s not sleeping with anyone else, doesn’t mean it’s the truth.  Be careful and protect yourself!!

There is no coming back from HIV. There is no coming back from Herpes. These stay with you FOR LIFE!!!!!

 

#5 Letting your vagina pick your man.

At some point or another, every woman has been in a situation where they were involved with a man who was NO good for them…but the sex is incredible. This has the potential to be your downfall, ladies. We have ALL heard stories about that “make-me-crazy d*ck”. I’ve never heard one story with a good outcome. Don’t let your best girl get you into trouble!

            Having difficulties determining your motives for keeping a relationship? Ask  yourself how happy you would be with that person if you were unable to ever sleep together again. Let that answer guide you!

I’m almost willin to bet money, that every woman, at one point or another, has been guilty of at least one of these foolish acts. No shame if you make these mistakes…just make sure you’re not repeating these mistakes. I hope this helped! :)

Fool you once, shame on them..fool you twice, shame on you.

 

Keep it funky!

Goodbye for now.

Duncan

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Ground Zero Mosque: Racism Still Alive, They Just Be Concealin It

Posted by Rahim The Dream at 10:43 AM Community, News, bad news, blog, new york city No Responses »
Aug 232010

The plan to build an Islamic community center near Ground Zero has turned into an ugly situation.  Many believe that the targeting of those of the Muslim faith is just a new channel for discrimination against people of color.  There are daily protesters and gawkers surrounding the site, which consistently reeks of tension.  Recently a video surfaced of a black man who was sent to work on the site was harassed on his way into the building by angry protesters.  “No mosque here!” They yelled at him, repeatedly.  He turned out to just be a carpenter who was, in fact, a Christian.  Does this remind you of SB1070?  People being categorized based on what they “look like.”

Peep the video below:

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The Art Of Approaching A Woman [Part 1] By @MyNameIsDuncan

Posted by MyNameIsDuncan at 11:30 AM #ohyoufancyhuh, Dating, blog, guest blogger, relationships 1 Response »
Aug 052010

He is not winning.

Between being a bartender, being a decent-looking girl and living in NYC where thirst is at an all-time high, I have heard damn near every pick-up line in the book. Most of them being incredibly corny. When it comes to being smooth with women, a lot of men fall short. But no worries, I’ve compiled 5 easy tips for approaching a woman.

 *Disclaimer*:

A) Even following these tips, you might strike out. Not every woman will want you, no matter how you look or what you do. Dating is like gambling-the house holds the cards and you won’t win every time. But if you never make a bet, you will NEVER win.

B) I’m only speaking on behalf of respectable women, not birds. They require a different approach. See Kat Stacks for more info.

 1) Most importantly, you want to separate yourself from other men. One of the biggest turn-ons for a woman is to think of a man as “not being like every other dude”. The easiest way to do this: don’t approach every woman the same way! We are all different and we can tell when you hit us with a recycled line. MIX IT UP!!!

2) This brings me to my next point: Personalize your approach. Do you know how many times we hear: Where are you from? What do you do? Do you come here often? Try saying something funny (if you *know* you’re funny…if not, hold off on the jokes). Make a comment about something you both see, hear, smell, etc. Talk to her a like a female you already know…this will relax you.

3) Regardless of how good she looks, she puts her pants on one leg at a time. There are millions of beautiful women in the world. Putting a female on a pedestal only makes you more nervous. RELAX! Whether we like to admit it or not, beautiful women are a dime a dozen.

  4) DO NOT ADDRESS HER AS BEAUTIFUL, SEXY, PRINCESS OR GORGEOUS!!! This is PLAYED OUT!! Especially you men of NYC!! We KNOW you say it to EVERY female that walks by. We don’t take you seriously and it’s actually a major turn-off. However, this is not to be confused with telling her that she IS beautiful. But save that for later. We like hearing it unexpectedly :)

5) If nothing else works…she’s making you nervous, you can’t think of anything smooth or witty to say..but homegirl is just TOO gorgeous to let her walk away…just do this. Go up to her, smile and say “Hello…can I introduce myself?” It’s a simple and straight-forward way to let her know that she caught your attention. Not beasty, not corny-just genuine. And just the way we like it :)

There you have it fellas. 5 simple yet helpful ways to approach a female who has caught your eye. (But don’t let me catch y’all using these to manipulate!!)

What you think, guys?? Does this seem easy enough? 

Ladies…what approach gets your attention? What methods turn you off??

Pay Attention

All the best,

Duncan

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My BBM Stands For MY BUSINESS...You Crazy Ass Person -- Written By @DrJayJack

Posted by Dr Jay Jack at 3:22 PM #ohyoufancyhuh, FUNNY, The Clinic, blog, dr jay jack No Responses »
Jul 302010

My BBM stands for MY BUSINESS

No, BBM is not down. It's called "I deleted you."

Alice: R – Hey what’s up?
Alice: R – Why are you ignoring my BBMs
Alice: R – I know you are reading them!

That pesky R in BBM is the most stalkerish thing ever created.

BBM is the one thing that the iPhone has not been able to offer to its users.  The Droid doesn’t have it and neither does the Palm Pre.  It’s an exclusive chat room that enables its users to communication with one another limited to only those with Blackberry devices.  It runs on a server that is intended for company chat communications, but if you want you can opt out of that for the global network and communicate with everyone.  BBM even has these chat groups now where a group of friends can keep in touch all the time.  A group of guys use BBM chat groups to do research and share information when in the club, but most times it just becomes an offline twitter account.

But the thing about BBM is that it automatically sends read receipts to the recipient.  (For a minute they contemplated leaving an option to display when the user was on the phone, this was headed nowhere good.)  And so how does it feel when you know someone received your message, and elects not to respond to it. It is like, “You had enough time to read it, but not to reply to it.”

You crazy-ass-person.

Do you know why caller-ID was created?  Because sometimes you do not want to pick up the phone.  Let’s be real, just because you want to talk to me, doesn’t mean I want to talk to you. I just don’t think it’s a problem for me to say sometimes that I don’t want to talk.  Or sometimes, I don’t want to chat.  To me, BBM is like those people who walk into rooms and just start talking, regardless, of whether you are in the middle of discussion or not. Maybe it’s the Libra in me?

You know what else I hate about BBM? It saves conversations. Why is it saving my conversations? You ever walk in the crib and your girl is going through your phone?  Where they do that at?  You know Chris Brown had an experience with a woman going through his cell phone.  To me, I miss the days of the pay phone, where you had to grab some quarters before you left the house.  When you said, I’ll meet you at the movies at Union Station and you just had to be there or you was short.  I don’t need to be accessible 24 hours out the day. I know you took the time to send me a BBM, but I don’t have the time to answer.

And what about lonely people at home when you are in the presence of other people?  Those the ones I hate the most.  It’s not my fault you only got friend on BBM, I got friends in real life.  When I’m out and about on the weekend, I feel rude when I’m on my phone answering BBMs when I have people talking to me.  No no no, you know who I hate the absolute most?  Those repeat messagers.  They try and tell you a whole story meanwhile you aren’t responding.  Listen, if I don’t respond after the first two messages, know that you are buzzing on my hip over and over again and annoying the bat sh*t out of me.  I’m just venting…

But what I want to leave you with today is that my BBM is my business.  It is an application on my phone that I may or may not be paying attention to.  I was gracious enough to give you my pin, but it is not to be worn around your neck.  I could red dot you, but no one likes the red dot. (Except you nasty saggin jeans fools.  Stop running red lights!)  Nonetheless, I got your message, I will respond when I get to it, or I may not.  Every BBM doesn’t warrant a response, but every no-reply does not require an angry follow up.  To me it only convinces me that you are a crazy… deranged… woman.

For more writing from Dr Jay on this site, click here.

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10 Rules To Follow For Your Next Night Out...Written By @MyNameIsDuncan

Posted by MyNameIsDuncan at 10:36 AM #ohyoufancyhuh, blog, guest blogger No Responses »
Jul 292010

10 Rules To Follow For Your Next Night Out By Duncan

Pay Attention

For the past 9 months, I have been getting my money by serving people drinks. There are some constant annoyances I deal with from patrons while I’m behind the bar, so I would like to take the time to address these issues now. If you go out, especially if you’re guilty of one or more of the following, I urge you to STOP…and immediately.

1)First and foremost, you gotta tip!! Someone is doing a service for you. Waiters, delivery guys, nail technicians, hair stylists and bartenders should ALL be tipped.

A) It’s rude not to do so. If times are that hard, then you should stay your ass home with your friends and get a bottle. No shame in that.

B) Bartenders remember who tips and who doesn’t. Ask any bartender you know. People who don’t tip get served last.

If you’re tipping, you won’t wait long for drinks, even on a busy night. There’s a direct correlation between how well you tip and how strong your drinks are. Depending on the bartender (and house policy), tipping well might even result in free drinks or free shots.

Bottom Line: Take care of your bartenders and they will take care of you.

*On a related note, do NOT ask the bartender to “hook you up” or “make it real strong” on your first drink. Bartenders hear that and think “they won’t be tipping”. Order your drink, leave a tip and a good bartender will hook you up from there on out. No words necessary.

2) Please remember, especially when it’s really busy, there are only 2 or 3 bartenders for X amount of patrons. We move along down the line, or as we make eye contact. We will get to you, I promise. Getting hostile will only prolong your wait time. Threatening to throw a drink will not get you served any quicker. Actually throwing  a drink will have you escorted out of the establishment immediately.

A) If the bartender takes a while to get to you, when they finally get there, don’t bitch about how long it took them to get to you. I literally had to say to someone last night, “I’m here now…do you want to argue about it or do you want to order a drink?” They kept bitching so I walked away. They did not get served.

3) Don’t call the bartender over and then say “ummm…” while you decide what you want to drink. ESPECIALLY when it’s busy. Have your order ready before you demand the bartender’s attention.

4) While the bartender is getting your drink, have your money out. Don’t wait for them to come back to you to…and then search through your purse to find your cash.

5) I’ve had people walk in and say “I’ll have a beer.” When I ask “What kind?” they say, “Any kind.” This irks me like you wouldn’t believe. I’m nice…I’ll make you choose…some bartenders will hand over the most expensive beer. Know what you want to drink…if you’re old enough to be in a bar, act like it.

6) This one is especially for women…if you come to a bar with your boo, and your bartender is a girl, please try to refrain from letting your insecurities spill out onto your face. We don’t want your man. Are we flirting and smiling? That’s our job…if you’re mad/jealous he’s giving us money, then keep his ass inside, or don’t come out with him. But please, don’t be a Debbie Downer and ruin his night.

7) Don’t come into a bar asking if we can make a drink you had at T.G.I.Friday’s. Every restaurant and almost every bar have “Specialty Cocktails” or “Signature Drinks”. If you know what’s in a drink, a bartender can make it for you. But PLEASE, don’t come in with an attitude because we don’t have Friday’s drink menu memorized. “But they made it at Friday’s”…Whelp…take ya ass back to Friday’s then….

8) If you’re in a bar with loud noise and/or loud music, do not whisper your drink order. Do not cover your mouth and then speak. Don’t yell AT the bartender, but make yourself heard!!!

9) Do NOT order one drink at a time unless you ONLY want one drink. Give us your order in full, if we need to clarify, we will definitely do so.

10) Please and Thank You’s go a LONG way. NEVER say “GIMMIE a vodka cranberry.” No, I will give you a swift punch in the mouth.

At the end of the day, bartenders do not HAVE to serve you. Nasty attitudes, rude comments, banging on the bar, etc, etc, etc are only hurting yourself. We are the ones in control of getting you f*cked up. Would you speak that way to someone serving you your food??? If so, I guarantee you’ve eaten some bodily fluids before…and if I might say so myself…rightly so!

Some of these probably seem like common sense…I know…but for some reason…it’s not nearly as common as you’d think.

To my bartenders…did I miss anything? What are your biggest pet peeves when you’re behind the bar?

To my drinkers (I love y’all)..what irritates you about bartenders?

Let me know..Let me know..

Goodbye for now.

Duncan

*Special shout to @ViolaNilePR, @Dammara & my Twitter-less girl, Bre for their input!! :)

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Are Black People Scared To Support And Do Business With Other Black People?

Posted by Rahim The Dream at 10:50 PM Rev Rah, black movies, black people business, blog No Responses »
Jul 282010

When you are faced with a black vendor and the same vendor of another race, do you choose black? Many black people seem to feel prejudiced towards their own people, or scarred by poor experiences when doing business with folks of their same race.

Let's Care About Black People

How often do you choose black business over doing business with other races?

Have you ever been in a situation where working with a black owned business has prevented you from wanting to deal with others?

Share your story.

Why are you hold that one person or group responsible for the whole race?

If you are a business owner, do you find yourself being discriminated by both black people and others, because of your skin color?

Do you feel like you have to “prove yourself” more than other vendors in your line of business?

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HAUTE HUMP DAY WITH @GYPSYTEARZ “JUST FOR ME”

Posted by Rahim The Dream at 3:25 PM #ohyoufancyhuh, black movies, blog, guest blogger, gypsy tearz, hump day 3 Responses »
Jul 282010

You know how the song go.

The year was 1997! I was thirteen ready to join the silky Order of the Creamy Crack, the Just for Me Lodge.  “Finally” I said to myself no more ribbons, barrettes, and my mom waking my ass up every morning to do my thick curly hair.  No more corn rows, using DAX on my scalp, or combing down my baby hairs! The most important thing I will not miss is when she would comb my hair with what I like to call the “IRON FIST” being tender headed did not matter, “Beauty is Pain” she always told me. At that point I didn’t care, I was going to be like those happy girls in the Just for Me commercials.

“Just for Me” I kept singing on Church Avenue as my mother and I walked to the Beauty Supply store.  “Super, Regular, Lye, No-Lye, and So-di-um Hy-drox-ide???” “What in the world? I thought to myself but I shrugged it off because I was going be like that smiling girl on the box. “$5.99 please” said the Asian beauty supply owner. I just kept singing “Just for Me” until it was finally time to succumb to the Creamy Crack Gods and sacrifice my kink to the Supreme Priestess Madame CJ Walker. I kept tugging on my mom to walk a bit faster to get back to the house. We finally made it after her pit stop to the fresh vegetable market, Bobby’s, my aunt’s house because she made bouillon for my mom and of course being Haitian and all she had to catch up on all the family gossip and speak about politics 0_o, and the check cashing around the corner.

I dropped all the bags and ran to the kitchen to open the “treasure chest.” “Ok let’s see here…a container of a creamy substance, wooden stick, gloves, activator, and base.” Everything seemed to be there from what I examined. My mother was too through with me. So I finally sat in the chair and my mother parted my hair in four sections and applied the creamy crack from front to back. “Mommy it burns!” “UM PA TE DI OU WAP SUFRIR POU LE BEAUTE!” Translation for all my non-Creole speaking readers “Didn’t I tell you will suffer for beauty” and boy she was not lying. 15 minutes had past of the sizzling transformation and my hair was so long I’m taking if I had to put in a weave I would have an 18 inch 1B. My mom put the rollers in my hair and I had all grey rollers in my hair (ladies you know the color coded system). Ok time for the dryer the part I was once excited for but over the years dreaded. 2 HOURS LATER!!! We took the rollers out and bam! I was flowing like the Nile River. I was feeling myself in the worst way looking into the mirror every chance I got, it was quite ridiculous now that I think about it but it wouldn’t last for long.

Fast forward to 2008, about 100 relaxers later, your girl went through some experiences with her addiction to creamy crack. Colored, bleached, cut, weaved, braided you name it I did it to my hair.  I got so out of hand that I began to see my once beautiful thick hair turn into a skinny frivolous entity. “What has my hair become?” At that point my edges were suffering like crazy all you saw was my scalp. That was a turning point for me as I look at my childhood photos of a happier time when my scalp wasn’t waging war with chemicals. So the next morning I had an appointment at Impulse Salon in Jamaica, NY and I had the usual wash and set but as I sat under the dryer I had a eureka moment. After frustration in being the hair salon for damn near five hours and the heat blasted on my scalp, I went to my stylist and told her to give me a Cesar. She looked so perplexed as if I asked her to solve Einstein’s theory of relativity. She refused to do insisting that I stay in the Order of the Creamy Crack but I refused and gave her money for her services and walked out the establishment.

“Ok if she will not cut my hair I know who will” I said to myself will driving to my house. You see my cousin Fritz is a barber as a side hustle so I knew I could hustle him to cutting my hair. It was like taking candy from a baby ;) . As I sat in the chair I saw all of my hair on the floor. It was the most liberating experiences in my life. All the chemicals, stress, and bad relationships were swept into the garbage can. Did I mention I did this liberating act while my mom was in Haiti :/ ? When she came back from her month long trip and saw me she put on the biggest production NY had seen since the great theatrical play Cats. “ Wap tiyrem Mezami Bon Dieur!… Esque ou malade ou met dim sou gayen cancer… gelen ou reme fe?” translation “Are you trying to kill me… O My God?… Are you sick? Do you have cancer..you can tell me?… or is it you becoming a lesbian?” Can I state I never laughed so hard in my life.

Yes ladies and gents that was the day your girl went natural! India Arie said it best “I am not my hair.” My mother came to terms with the fact that I was reverting back to my childhood hair practices. Of course I could have done it in stages but my spontaneous nature didn’t think it was dramatic enough. Most of my friends were in shock and really began to see how my brother and I are twins lol. Strangers loved it they thought it was a bold, very forward, and in your face. I just didn’t want to sit under the dryer for 2 hours, burn my scalp, and lose my edges. Yes, I kicked the habit but it wasn’t easy I had to learn a new hair culture.

For the first few months my curls were like Suzie Q coiled and to the point but then began the awkward stages of me not knowing what do to with my hair and the sudden urge to be dramatic again. Unfortunately, to prevent my mother from having a heart attack I promised her I would not cut my hair anymore. So I braided my hair but made sure the Africans were easy on my edges. The limbo phase lasted about a month and then I went to the ultimate temple of all Natural Hair, Miss Jessies Salon in Brooklyn, NY. This establishment taught me everything thing there is to know about natural hair and saved me from the intoxicating pits of the creamy crack. I learned the art of twists, shingling and free forming and from there I knew I was a natural sister for life.

The moral of this story is your hair is like a pride possession. Treat it as your next of kin. Going natural was the best possible solution for me but it may not be for you. By no way is this a subliminal message to convert you to the natural hair movement, or maybe it is :D , but I will say that your hair being in its natural state gives you room for versatility and HAIR FREEDOM AND SALVATION. I go from straight to curly any time I want J I even bleached my hair successfully and it hasn’t fallen out :D ! Until next week CIAO! @Gypsytearz

My favorite Natural Hair Care Products

Miss Jessies- Crème De La Curl Cleansing Shampoo, Crème De La Crème Conditioner Curly Buttercrème, Rapid Recovery Deep Treatment, and Super Sweetback Treatment www.missjessies.com

Curls- Champagne & Caviar Curl Elixir (Hair Oil Blend for Sheen & Hair Growth) www.curls.biz

Kinky Curly- Knot Today http://kinky-curly.com

Gypsy Tearz

Gypsy Tearz

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