Written by @WrinkledTshirt, starring B.o.B. (Bobby Ray), Kanye West, Kid Cudi, Amber Rose, and Wale

Blame Canada

Drake’s first week numbers are in, 462,000 aren’t bad by most

standards but for Hip Hop’s new hero thats a different story.

Many predicted Thank Me Later to sell over a million copies the

first week and to not even sell half of that pretty much means he

floppped better have a good second week. What went wrong?

His buzz was so big he could of sold a blank disc (he said it not

me). Co-signs from almost every big name in music. Can’t blame

the leak, every album leaks. Maybe its something bigger than we

all think, maybe Hip Hop didn’t want Drake to succeed? Or was it

in front of our eyes the whole time?

It’s Monday June 14, 2010 just one day before Thank Me Later

releases, Kid Cudi, Wale, and B.O.B are all together in poorly lit

room, they aren’t making music or talking much, just waiting.

About five minutes pass by and a cell phone rings. The ringtone

is “Power” by Kanye West. They all jump up with a sense of

urgency.

Kid Cudi:

Thats the Ye’ phone ringing.

Wale:

The Ye’ phone?

Kid Cudi:

Yeah the Ye’ phone like the Bat phone the Ye’ phone.

B.O.B

So answer it.

Kid Cudi:

I’m trying to, I just can’t get it out of my pockets.

The phone begins to ring louder.

Wale:

Hurry up!

Kid Cudi:

Help

Wale:

Help how the hell are we suppose to help you?

Phone gets louder

Kid Cudi:

You guys pull the pocket towards you

then I’ll reach in and get the phone

Wale and B.O.B reluctantly pull Kid Cudi’s jean pocket with all

their strength as Cudi manages to pull the phone loose.

Phone stops ringing, they all have a nervous look on their face.

Then the phone rings again playing “Power” this time they

quickly answer and turn on the speaker, on the other end of the

phone is Kanye West at an unknown location somewhere in

Hawaii.

Kanye West:

Aye fam, what the fuck I don’t call any

phone number twice especially back to back.

B.O.B & Wale:

Cudi’s fault!!

Kid Cudi:

My bad Broski.

Kanye West:

You got the phone stuck in your jeans again???

The room is silent

Kanye West:

You guys couldn’t put the phone anywhere else?

How about Wale’s dreads or B.O.B’s guitar.

B.O.B:

It’s Bobby Ra….

Before he can finish Kanye West interrupts him

Kanye West:

B.O.B I’m really happy for I’m gonna let you finish,

but Malcom X had the greatest name change of all time.

Wale and KId Cudi break out in laughter.

Kid Cudi:

You got Taylor Swifted.

Wale:

Your lucky OJ’s in jail you know what he does to blondes.

Kid Cudi

Still gotta look out for Tiger he’s out of rehab.

Wale and Kid Cudi stop laughing.

Kanye West:

Whatever….. Operation “Blame Canada” is in its final stages.

Drake can not sell a million albums his first week.

Wale:

Why not?

Kanye West:

Why….why? Cause I never sold a million record’s my first

week

and on top of that all three of you combined still haven’t sold a

million records. And you had Lady Gaga on your first single.

If you think your not shit now, imagine if he sells a million

records?

You’ll be selling knock off handbags then, thats why fam!

Kid Cudi:

He’s right, before Drake came around stealing all the features

and shit an average rapper like you could survive.

Wale:

I’m the best average rapper around.

Kanye West:

Phase one, sabotage the video for his biggest single “Best I

Ever Had”….. check! Phase two, sell him a leftover beat from

808′s and HeartBreak followed up by coming out of hiding

and leaking a new single….check! Now for phase three, make

sure he doesn’t sell a million records.

B.O.B

So whats the plan?

Kanye West:

I need ya’ll to go down to South Street Seaport for Drake’s

performance tomorrow and make sure he doesn’t get on

stage.

Wale:

We just can’t go down there people will notice.

Kanye West:

Just tell them your Kyle Barker from Living SIngle

The next day June 15th Southstreet Seaport is packed with

20,000 plus Drake fans. It appears what is about to be his biggest

performance ever is only a matter of minutes before it goes down.

Kid Cudi disguised in baggy pants along with Wale dress as Kyle

from living single and B.O.B as a Desperado with his guitar. They

all give each other a glance and begin to toss whatever they can

get they’re hands on inciting a riot. Then B.O.B makes a call on

his phone.

B.O.B

(In a spanish accent)

Hello 911, I’ve just been hit with a chair I’m at

Southstreet seaport its crazy down here ….

Kid Cudi yells from the background and Drake said “Fuck The

NYPD Free Weezy”

911 Operator

We’ll send units over now.

As she hangs up the phone you can hear her say “damn rappers”

A week has gone by and Drake’s first week numbers are coming

in B.O.B, Kid Cudi, and Wale are in the same room as they were

the week prior when speaking to Kanye West. A cellphone rings

playing Kanye West’s “Power” B.O.B reaches in his guitar and

pulls out the phone then places it on speaker its Kanye West still

at an unknown location in Hawaii.

Kanye West:

What the fuck is wrong with you

guys he went Platinum still.

They all look stunned.

Amber Rose with Kanye West at an unknown location in Hawaii

yells from the background “In Canada”

Kanye West:

What’s Platinum in Canada?

Kid Cudi:

100,000

Kanye West

Oh fuck it, good job then guys

THE END