“It’s Twitney, Bitch!” – Anonymous

Twitter! Home of just about everybody right now…right? This damn new “thing” adds an unnecessary level of f*ckery to our everyday lives, whether public or private. With quick and easy first hand access to so many people, one would think that they have hit the gold mine with regards to pimpin.

I beg to differ, and I have 5 million reasons why:

1. Everything you say is “googlable.” Yes, I don’t give a f*ck about bing.com. At least not yet…Google is still the search engine of champions. If people want to know something about anything, they “google” it. Some of you have screennames that are extremely uncreative (you used your real name).Game over for you if you try to get cute and say some slick sh*t, and it ends up popping up as the first line in your girlfriends random google search. Got ‘em.

*note that even if your partner doesn’t have twitter, this is how you can still “get got.”

2. Sending messages that should be DM’s. Oh sh*t! Some of us send mad reckless tweets to more than one female at a time! Chicks y’all be wyling alot too. Don’t get reported to @hoecop, seriously. You know that “@replies” are fed to everyone, right? …and then there’s the literal f*ckups , like being on ubertwitter and squealing “oh sh*t” after publicly asking @yourconcubine for the time to meet at the hotel so you can get it on. I know, you thought you were sending a DM. Your bad.

*Twitterberry is good for doing people dirty with this one.

3. Your pleasures mix with your dirty business – Are you really going to go on your shorty’s page every single day to check to see who she’s f*cking following? Do you have that kind of time? I don’t. Chances are, due to all the “retweeting,” group “@replies,” and “#followfridays, the one your lovin may end up followin; the one you be humpin. One may say something really witty, and they may end up adding each other, and even becoming way cooler with each other than you’d ever like them to be. I’m sure you can figure out the endless possibilities for FML which can arise thereafter.

4. Shorty Does An “@name” search Oh yes, your not gonna like this one, pimp. Hey you know how you can do a search for whatever you want in twitter? Haha, well, your shorty can easily type your twittername “@twitterpimp” in the twitter search box, and see all the shit that OTHER PEOPLE were writing to you! Remember that time you told her you were going to sleep at 9pm? Lol. Meanwhile you were out somewhere “getting it in,” while your company was there tweeting about it to you. Some people do that. Anyway, you can’t delete those.

5. Fake Twitter Accounts – This is the grandmother of all f*ckery. Someeone going out of their way to create a twitter account to follow you and all the people that you talk to. Beyond stalker, in a land beyond wrong or right? However, I have seen sh*t like this done before.

Moral of the post: Don’t lie, or don’t tweet.

Honorable Mentions: Predictable passwords, leaving your computer on, tweeting about how you cheated

Did I miss anything? I think I covered from the mini slip ups to the flat out sabotage.

Let me know what I missed! We welcome your comments below.

Rahim The Dream
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