Men Lie, Women Lie, And Misery Loves Company

“I’m at this crazy party right now. Yeah…it’s two levels and everything.”

Hey young world, its me again. Here’s another fact of life that many of us have been swindled upon time after time. We all live for the Saturday nightlife, for some of us it’s a ritual, pre-game, party and after party. So it’s never a shock when you are the first one to the party and your phone starts going off for a report back of the festivities. But for the ones sending that message, you better trust that person.

I’ll drop a quick story to keep it level head, no homo. This one takes place a few months ago. Earlier in the week I get a call from a friend of mine who hears about an after party to a show coming up that Sat night. The weekend arrives and like any other heterosexual male I’m asking to make sure the opposite sex will be in heavy attendance. Of course homey reassures me that it will be a definite win. So the pre-game pops off at happy hour (I start pre gaming at 7-8PM you should too). And about 5 hours of drinking later I’m ready to motivate to the late night spot. The next part is protocol, I know my boy is already in there so you already know I’m texting to make sure it’s live. When my blackberry went off I was so sauced I swore I saw a green LED light to go along with the green light text message. I dropped my fashionably late $25 at the door and stepped into a club with more bratwurst than Oktoberfest. For those of you that Wikipedia words you don’t know that it means it was a sausage fest. I find my friend in the back next to VIP and the plea bargaining begins. “Yo man I swear it was like 50 chicks in here and no guys was showing up so they all left!”

I swear there’s ALWAYS a story sheesh. I either just missed them, or everyone is on their way because “it normally doesn’t get live til late.” But all in all I always make a backup plan incase things fall through so we left and were able to salvage the night, despite the waste of money.

I know I’m not the only person this happens to. But sadly there’s always that lame that needs to have someone suffering with him or her at the lamest event of the week. So do your research and make sure you have a backup plan, because you definitely don’t need to be caught up spending money for Oktoberfest.

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Editor: This is part 2 of the FACTS OF LIFE Series by Ness. You can check out the first part here.

I’m get a great deal of joy writing this post, because these people entertain me with their antics day in and day out.  Yea, some of them have probably been mentioned on other lists, but I don’t really care b. These are my top 5 Most Entertaining rappers on twitter, and I might change it later because I want more page views as needed. I will list each rapper and one of their quality tweets or situations that highly amused me. They aren’t in any order.

Camron aka @Mr_Camron 

First of all, Cam is funny off of twitter…but on twitter… his profile picture is him sitting on the couch, getting whopped #NH– and he just doesn’t care. (Cam writes #NH, it doesn’t stand for New Hampshire)

 2  3  4  5

By Amanda featuring Rahim

So trending topics have become part of the norm, I even use hashtags when I’m texting people. They are pretty interesting, you get to see exactly how much people think alike and also how dramatic people can be. One of my favorite #TT ‘s had to be #ReallyMeans. I found my thumb on my trackpad scrolling through the timeline for about 20 minutes. People are quite the characters! THANKS TO TWITTER I now can interpret things people say or do easily. Here are the top seven lessons from #ReallyMeans.

1. Im 5 minutes from your house………. #ReallyMeans Im just getting in my car. Now when anyone says I am down the street don’t even bulge to put your shoes on. You probably have time to heat up a hot pocket!
2. She/he is like a brother/sister/bestfriend to me……….. #ReallyMeans we slept together and now we are cool but we just may sleep together again! I mean that can be my opinion but I haven’t been proved wrong yet.
3. If someone starts off a sentence with NO DISRESPECT………. it #ReallyMeans 9 times out of 10 they are about to disrespect you.
4. LOL ………..#ReallyMeans I have nothing else to say so just let the conversation end. No need to try and keep the convo going, obviously they aren’t.
5. FELLAS TAKE NOTES: When a female says I’m Okay… ……….it #ReallyMeans she is NOT so if you care you better make it right.
6. If you ask for someone’s number and they say let me get yours… it #ReallyMeans they aren’t interested. I wouldn’t even expect a call after that.
7. LADIES TAKE NOTES: If he hits you up after the club at 4 a.m. asking where’s the party at …………#ReallyMeans he wants to come over and XXXX.
Now although you may not agree with all of them, they are pretty accurate. So thanks to twitter I can detect B.S even quicker than before. 

:::Hold On Amanda… I have 3 more, let’s make it an even 10:::

This is how I look at my cell phone when you call me.

8. When you call me during the hours of 10am-7pm on my cell phone………. that #reallymeans you don’t think I have a job.  Da f*ck?
Don’t Tommy me cuz I be on twitter all-day. I got workstubs for that ass.
I usually hang up quick and text people right away “can’t pick up, I’m at the office) to be courteous, but I’m ’bout to stop doin that sh*t.

2. When you ask me for a bite of my sandwich or a sip of my drink and I say “I’ll save you some,” ………..that #reallymeans I think your nasty and I wouldn’t eat/drink after you, OR that… (Wait for it) I don’t wanna share? How about that.

1. When you invite me to a party and I ask you “what time does it start?” …………That #reallymeans I don’t wanna go. #mybad. Why would I ask you what time a party starts at? I’ve been going to parties for 14 years.

ADD YOUR #REALLYMEANSES BELOW…DON”T BE SHY.

Editor: The above picture has nothing to do with the post. I just felt like it, b.

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I think I speak for all of us when I say Twitter caught on faster than skinny jeans with young people. I once took a week off from tweeting and realized how much time I actually spend on that thing. I guess I’m one of the many guys that’s turned Twitter to a daily ritual. But nevertheless like all other social media, Twitter has a group of assholes people that will constantly get on your last damn nerve. We try to ignore them but sometimes you just have to BBM a friend and say “you just read that bullshit that @RandomCornball tweeted? Smh.”

I’m here to break down my top 7 micro-bloggers that make my life on Twitter so difficult, and sometimes entertaining. Feel free to add some more if you think of any.

1. The Interrupting Cow – You’re in a conversation with a friend and another person who isn’t really cool with either one of you just jumps in and gives their opinion. Consequently, killing the conversation totally. Here’s an example –

@Me: Yea jail wasn’t good for Michael Vick but now that he has a season under his belt he’ll be in better shape

@Friend: @Me #cosign dude really went in on the Packers

@RandomCorn: @Friend @Me yo both of ya’ll is bugging all they do is workout in jail!

2. Twitter Groupies – Now this may sound simple to the average reader. But there are more of these hoes confused young women on twitter than you think. They use the Sidekick2 to take their avatar picture, with them wearing a pushup bra and a brand new weave. The worst part about it all is that you can see the shower curtain in the background. To make it even worse they live in this world where someone is ALWAYS concerned about them. @GroupieXoXo: Ya man wants me, aint my fault I’m a bad bitch.

More…

Like This Right Here.

I recently was in somebody I know’s gmail (don’t ask), and I came across a discussion that intrigued me.

It was about subliminal tweeting, with regards to relationships.

You ever said something snarky about your partner, ex or your frenemy in a facebook status update?  Them’s is #subtweets
Its just like that, except you can fire them off all day and nobody except that person will care.
Why put the @ and the person’s screenname in your tweet when you can  let them agonize in your ambiguity?
Conversely, this can be used by suckers to #cupcaketweet and send sweet nothings to their admirees.

I’ve also heard of using #subtweets like group texts…say you’re hollaring at a few girls at the same time who are following you.
Sending out a tweet like “hmm will the phone ring this evening…” is enough to make any tweetslide‘s panties drop, because their low self-esteem will force them to believe you’re talking about them.

How romantic!

Do what you do, but just don’t get caught out there!

@ Me or Dap Me,

@Rahim_TheDream