Watch BET’s Alpha Man: The Brotherhood of Martin Luther King Jr Documentary featuring Hill Harper right here.
BET did an amazing job of shining a light on Dr. King’s character as an active member of Alpha Phi Alpha fraternirty. Hosted by actor and Alpha member Hill Harper, the production is timeless in that it transports you back to the time when the brotherhood stood together as well as shows the progress it made in erecting an impressive monument to the slain leader. [LIRM]
When I think back to my childhood, I remember always feeling some type of way about my dark complexion. I was the darkest person in my household, was darker than all my cousins, and was one of the darkest kids in my class. There was one boy much “blacker” than me though. I remember joining in on the laughter we gained at his expense by calling him names and finding new black things we could compare him to because tar and night were played out. I wasn’t happy about making fun of him, but I was glad I wasn’t the target of the attacks. I used to hate being in the sun during the summer for fear of getting “too dark,” whatever that means. I would look at my skin and wonder why I couldn’t be light like my beautiful cousins. Although I envied their skin-tone, I didn’t hesitate to make fun of them for being “high yellow” or turning red at the drop of dime.
I came across an article on Rollingout.com about Vybz Kartel bleaching his once dark brown skin, like some other celebrities we know, and thousands of people all over the world we can’t name. In an interview Kartel said: “This is my new image. “You can expect the unexpected. I feel comfortable with black people lightening their skin. They want a different look. It’s tantamount to white people getting a sun tan.”
I must say that bleaching one’s skin is not “tantamount” to white people getting anybody’s suntan. Although the bleaching process may not be forever and a day permanent, I’m pretty sure it’s not as temporary as a suntan. While the thought process behind it—“I want to change some feature about myself”—may be similar, the psychological motivations behind white people tanning and Black folks bleaching their skin are probably a little different.
Like conversations about good hair versus nappy roots and going natural versus indulging in the “creamy crack,” discussions about skin tone and complexion have haunted the psychological history of Black people all over the world. For centuries Black people have been valued or degraded based on our physical characteristics. Light skin, although claimed by many to have “gone out of style” has always been desirable, based on the White standard of beauty. We can look to the history of colonialism and slavery and place blame, but what is our excuse today? Why hasn’t the psychological damage been undone?
What makes a successful man like Vybz go to this length for a “new image”? If you listen to his music, you would believe that he has nothing short of a healthy ego. But does his recent image change say otherwise? What happens when he wants a new image? I’ve heard stories about Black women in African countries and the West Indies trying all kinds of skin damaging products in hopes of getting lighter and brighter. Unfortunately, I doubt that the damage caused by being told you are unattractive gets reversed once you lighten your skin.
What makes this issue more interesting is the male face attached to it. Michael Jackson, Sammy Sosa, and now Vybz Kartel are all men with great success in different areas. Each were called out by the media for bleaching their skin, yet each denied the allegations to some degree. What keeps famous women from bleaching their skin? Maybe they leave that to the magazines and the all-powerful Photoshop.
Either way, self-hatred manifests itself in the Black community in so many ways. From where I sit, I don’t see an end in sight. Sure, there have been attempts by notable Black people to openly embrace our diverse beauty and culture, but jokes still get made and self-esteem still gets built or destroyed by White-driven media.
Some of us need to sue our friends, family and “relationship” experts for malpractice. They have prescribed the wrong lens on our vision of what we are entitled to and what we “deserve.” They have told us to make a list of “the perfect man,” have run off perfectly good choices for partners and our heads have been so filled up with compliments that we have literally lost our minds.
When looking at the dating pool, we must be a bit more realistic and open-minded about who we do and do not date. This includes everything from physical appearance to personality. For example, if you have three kids and live at home with your parents, you cannot turn your nose up when you meet someone with one kid who lives in a studio apartment. If you are missing all but one of your teeth, is it really fair to stare at the chick with a chipped tooth or a gap? If you are a High School dropout, can you really get mad at the brother at the club who smirks at you, but drools over the woman sitting next to you who just so happens to be taking a break from writing her Masters Thesis?
While there is no such thing as a carbon copy, there is a such thing as compatibility and studies show – at least that eHarmony commercial, that those who share common experiences, interests and backgrounds are more likely to last over the long term. While I support ambition and am a fan of the hustle – CONFESSION even I was speechless back in the day when I was on public transportation and a guy with a car, A CAR pulled over to holler at me… but then I grew up. While my significant other and I are not identical twins I would argue that we have more in common than we have different and no one can pull the “MORE” power card (more money, more intelligence, more education).
So as you navigate the dating world, please try to be a bit more open and a lot more realistic about who you are looking for and why. If you find someone who has a good heart, has ambition/potential and is attracted to you for who you are (not just what you have or can offer) then you can both grow and build a future together. As you look at this person, take off your “glasses” and wipe them off, to make sure you’re not missing anything and that your vision is not failing you.
Recently, I posted up on my facebook a quote that I found about 3 types of UNs, and I asked which of them was the worst. The three types were:
My Facebook Is Poppin, BTW
UNinspired, UNexcited, and the UNgrateful
Yep, I feel inspired and excited to talk about UNgrateful people.
First of all, all of us, including myself, probably has been or is being ungrateful to someone–right now…and if you don’t think its you, you’re wrong. Trust me someone is o_O ‘ing you right now, thinking ’bout how they lent you fitty cent in the 6th grade that day for chocolate milk cuz you’re broke ass was chokin on butter crunch and forgot to bring extra funds.
A few people already know about this situation BUT i’ve decided to just let it ALL out and finally be FREE and NEVER have to mention it again!
oh yeah.
Around 3 years ago, I met a guy (for this blog i’ll call him CHUCK)… I met Chuck in school and we starting talking. The “relationship” was a little bit rushed but at that moment it felt right. About three weeks after just talking, Chuck called me and goes “Hey Vee, Do you have a boyfriend?”. In my mind I was like “umm what is this guy talking about”. So I just played along and said “NO”, and he goes “Well, I wanted to know if I can be your boyfriend?” I found it to be really sweet how he went about asking me and off course I said “Yes”. Two months into the relationship I got Chuck a phone under my name (I know better now lol). We then decided to take a break. During the 1 month break, I didn’t date anyone else or even talk to anyone else. Chuck and I would still speak occasionally. Chuck and I decided to get back together. Everything seemed normal for the next few months. We would talk all the time, see each other.. it was GOOD. It had gotten to the point were we said “I LOVE YOU” to each other.
Then a DRASTIC change happened. Chuck started acting very weird. He was angry at times for no reason. It was just so different. I continued to stick it through though. One night his phone rang and the name that came up was “myspace jumpoff“. LOL! LOL! I asked him who that was and he came up with a whole story. He told me it was a guy around his way that was obsessed with myspace so they named him that. I didn’t think twice to look into it because I was never that type of girl. At around 9 months into the relationship it was just unbearable. Everything I seemed to do was wrong in Chuck’s eyes. If i said left, he would say right. So at that point, I didn’t see the relationship going anywhere. So Chuck and I broke up. I went and got my phone back from him. Chuck did the funniest thing, he handed me the phone without the battery. That alone made me KNOW he had to have been hiding something. So, I put my battery and his phone and that is when EVERYTHING became clear to me. Pictures with other girls and text messages that BLEW my MIND. One message was from a girl suggesting baby names and pleading for him to come see her. Never was I the girl to look through his phone BUT that night I called EVERY girl in his phone. One girl called me back.. and this is how the conversation went…
Female :”Hi, someone called my phone”, Me: “Yeah, this is Chuck’s girlfriend”, Female: “Chuck’s girlfriend? Do you know my cousin is having his baby next month”.. Me: ” You know i didn’t know but from messages I saw in his phone, I figured something was going on”. Female:” WOW, I can’t tell her this because this is going to break her heart”…..
I called Chuck’s other phone and he wouldn’t answer. Then two days later I get a call from the girl who was having his baby. She told me EVERYTHING. Basically it was during the time we were on BREAK and they had sex ONCE and she got pregnant. She didn’t even know him but she kept the baby. She actually made me feel sorry for her and she invited me to the babyshower. LMAO! I became emotionally drained, I didn’t know what to do. Eventually Chuck called me and admitted to me that she was indeed pregnant. He apologized many times and just kept saying he didn’t mean to hurt me and he loves me. BLAH BLAH BLAH.. I literally LOST myself at that point. We didn’t speak again after that. Everything just ENDED!….. I thought about him a few times over the years and I would break down and cry.
I dated again after that but had a wall up and didn’t really give guys an opportunity.
Last year, I was in Soho and who do I bump into??? YUP! Chuck. He was very shocked to see me. He took my number and did call. We started “talking” again. He apologized again for everything that had happened. And all I kept saying was “Why get back with me when at that point you knew she was pregnant”. He said “How do you tell the person you love, the person you thought you would one day marry that you got another girl pregnant”. LOL .. We tried BUT the love I had for him back then just wasn’t how it was when I saw him. He thought that it would be back to those happy days and I would forget everything that happened. How do I forget something like that when the PROOF is right in front of my eyes.
He has a baby girl!!!!!…. Like lets be serious!
This situation was definitely the real life version of Usher “Confessions”
I feel like RIGHT now.. I’m finally free from what I thought me and him could possibly have. I am ready to fully date again and enjoy life!
Vanessa
LADIES: NO MAN IS WORTH YOUR TEARS! IF HE CAN’T BE A MAN ABOUT A SITUATION THEN HE DOESN’T NEED TO BE IN YOUR LIFE! STOP GOING BACK TO THE PERSON WHO PUTS YOU DOWN, CHEATS ON YOU AND MAKES YOU FEEL LESS THEN WHO YOU KNOW YOU ARE!
Twitter
Facebook
