Hello, Brother. Aren’t you tired of chasing that hoe around and
inquiring to her every activity? What do you call yourself doing by
wifing up that hoe? Are you running some kind of hoe reform clinic?
Have you created some type of 12 step program at your hoe haven you
call a home?

I know she has some interesting reasons as to why she pursued a life
of hoedom. She most likely says her father wasn’t in her life and he’s
the reason she became a hoe. Think for a minute. How can somebody that
DOESN’T exist in your life push you to do ANYTHING? Hoe logic doesn’t
make sense to a sensible person. It doesn’t even make sense to a hoe.
Hoes don’t want to make sense, hoes just want to make lust to random
people.

But, what are YOU doing? You’ve fell into the hoe trap and now you
think you can change her ways. Face it, she can’t morph from a hoe
into a Queen. She’s a maggot, not a caterpillar. Therefore, she can
only become an annoying housefly – never a beautiful butterfly. She’s
not attracted to the beautiful flower-like things in life. She’s
attracted to shit.

Now, you’re wasting your valuable time trying to keep tabs on this hoe
because you can’t trust her moves. You can’t even take a peaceful nap
without jumping up and wondering who SHE may be napping with. Don’t
worry, brother -– hoes don’t take naps. Hoes don’t sleep, hoes creep.
That hoe is going to try to convince you she’s changing. She isn’t.
Hoes don’t even change their underwear. Most hoes don’t EVEN wear
panties. That hoe has you convinced that she’s going to Bible study,
but she throws that Bible under her seat like an illegal gun and
drives to the nightclub. In the club, she flashes her breasts for free
drinks and walks around barefoot, yelling loudly like the untrained
hyena she is.

You can’t change that hoe. So, you might as well EXCHANGE that hoe.
That’s right. Network with your friends and borrow each other’s hoes
like you did video games in middle school. Trade that hoe like Upper
Deck basketball cards. Share that hoe like a blunt. You might as well,
since everybody else in your circle is going to hit it anyway (think
about it). Nova Knows…

I Love You,

Nova Giovanni
Twitter | WordPress | Facebook

Hello, loyal reader. Are you in the friend zone? Do you want to go from ‘just friends’ to ‘getting skins’? Good, because Nova is here to help you. After reading this, you will go from ‘just a buddy’ to ‘getting some cutty’.

First, lets tackle the most likely problem. The most common problem is the person you’re interested in looks at you like a brother/sister. That is probably because you listen to their relationship problems and are their personal sponge. You soak up all of their problems, they squeeze you and you drench out what they want to hear. THAT is where you messed up. First of all, NO man should want to listen to a woman about HER relationship problems. That either makes you look brotherly or gay. In fact, she probably looks at you like her gay brother. Women, in your case – you shouldn’t want to hear about HIS relationship problems. That is what he has sisters and/or female cousins for. How can they look at you in a sexual manner after you’re the ear for their tears?

Being the G I am, I don’t know how it is to be in the friend zone. But, I can teach you how to get into the end zone (scoring!!!). You have to get your sexy back (no Justin Timberlake). In other words, you have to re-create yourself in their eyes. Next time they want to share their relationship issues with you, tell them “I’ve got my own problems”. It may sound cruel, but show your assertiveness. Let that whining wimp know that you’re not the company for their misery.

Now, that you’ve let them know that your nuts hang (or your nips hang in regard to the ladies) – its time for action. Most importantly, anything that is always available loses value. Stop being so available. When they call, hit ‘ignore’ and text them back. Whenever you talk to them, either let them know what you’ve just got finished doing or are about to do. Be fake busy and watch them want your company. Better yet, start hanging out with someone else of your opposite sex. If you can’t do that, just say that you are. Have you noticed that a lot of times people don’t let you know they’re interested in you until they see you with someone else? This is the logic we’re using here. Nova knows.

By now, you should have cut down on how much you supply yourself and increased your demand. Now, when you come around – make sure you look and smell your best. You can’t make your long awaited return with the aura of a gym sock. No. Step your fresh up. Wear a new outfit and some new scents even if it’s only for a visit. When you see them again, feel out the situation. Don’t get caught up in idle conversation. Then, LEAVE. Yes. Leave early. It is always better to under stay your welcome than to overstay it. You’ve just made a whole new impression.

Guess what? You’re sexy now. Don’t mess it up. Wait for THEM to contact you. The next time you visit, set up an activity to where you’ll eventually be alone. Not just alone, but alone with liquor. Grandma was right when she told you “liquor is quicker”. Why do you think Gramps had all those children before she had running water? I digress – lets get back to the subject at hand. After you’re both a little tipsy, ask them how they REALLY feel about you. Let them know that you’re interested in them. Most likely, they’ll let you know they feel the same way (NOW they do). Congratulations!!! You’re out of the friend zone!

On the contrary, if that doesn’t work and they look at you like a weirdo – you’re still fine. All you have to do is blame it on the alcohol. Back to the friend zone you go. It is better to try and fail than to never have tried at all. What did you REALLY lose?

Nova Giovanni
Twitter | Facebook | Site

Related: Platonic Relationships: It Bothers Me When You Call Him Your Friend

My friend MamaChell speaks on Love & Hip-Hop, relationships, and girls talking bad about their boyfriends — in the bed & out. Definitely worth the watch, and some sharp one-liners in there.

Hello, misguided people of the online world. I’d like to thank you for
volunteering all of your most personal business and making the
internet more interesting than any soap opera. You are most likely the
reason All My Children has been canceled.  Obviously, some of you are confused by Facebook (and other sites) referring to the people you’ve given access to your account as ‘friends’. For the sake of knowledge, lets explore what a friend is.

According to Dictionary.com a ‘Friend’ is.

Friend – (noun)
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter.

Now, take a moment and ask yourself, “Myself… how many of my ‘online
buddies’ are REALLY my FRIENDS?”… Then, subtract that number from the total quantity of people linked to you through the internet – and you will be left with the amount of people laughing at you and your
problems.

WE DON’T CARE that you were cheated on. WE DON’T CARE that your child got an ‘F’ on their report card. WE DON’T CARE that your landlord is threatening to evict you again. WE DON’T CARE about your heart being broken – REPAIR IT, OR GO GET A NEW ONE!!! WE… DON’T… CARE!!! We’re pointing our fingers at you. Yes, and we’re laughing. Laughing a good laugh from the depths of our souls.

As soon as you have an argument or issue with the person you’re
dating, a family member, or problems with other people- you flee to the online world to vent. That’s a damn shame. There is no better way to get through those complications than good communication. But, your desperation for attention from strangers is hurting your relations.
It’s a shame that without any hesitation, you run online and tell everyone your whole situation.

Don’t be surprised when the personal information you disclose to the public world comes back to bite you in your ass. For every ONE person empathizing with your plea for help, there are FOUR more laughing at you. Shaking their heads, calling other people, sharing what your newest online updates – and celebrating your troubles. If no one has ever told you this, “loose lips sink ships”. In 2011, so do loose
fingertips. Keep your private matters as they should be – PRIVATE.

I Love You,

Nova Giovanni

Tumblr | Facebook | Tweets

Hello, ladies. Are you the ‘wifey without a ring’? A pawn playing the
part of a queen? Until you’re married, you’re no more than a friend
with a title. Hence, the titles – girlFRIEND and BoyFRIEND. That means
whenever things get rocky, neither one of you are obligated to work it
out. After he’s left you flat broke and heartbroken, its on to a new
woman. So, allow for me to turn you from victim to victor. After
reading this, you can’t use the excuse – “I didn’t know any better”.

Woe to you, young lady. You’re complacent without a real commitment.
Content with being called ‘wifey’ and having your own side of the bed.
He’s controlling YOUR television, remote in hand – forcing you to
watch ESPN for hours on end. But, you’re just happy to spend time with
‘him’. Right? Wrong! You’re preparing mashed potatoes and steaks for a
situation only worthy of french fries and steak-ums. Instead of
celebrating relationship milestones, you felt closer to him when you
two stopped using condoms. Smarten up, lady. While you’re washing his
clothes, you’re hanging yourself out to dry. Don’t be a fool all of
your life.

Ask yourself this – why would he marry you, when you’re ALREADY
performing all of your wifely duties? Why buy the George Foreman grill
when he gets your fur-burger for free – and you prepare it for him
with all the toppings? Relationships are like economics, it works by
providing incentives. Us men need a REASON to move things to the next
level. “If you want to get with THIS, you’ve got to get with THAT.”

Right now, think of yourself as a rental car. If he can drive you
around for free, why would he pay installments on you to own? Like a
rental car, he isn’t going to invest too much into you. No one gets a
rental car and puts rims on it or new speakers installed.. The same
goes for you playing a role above your capacity. What he’s putting
into your relationship is no more than the equivalent of putting music
CDs into a rental car. When its time to turn that car back in,
everything he put into it – he can leave with it. Beautiful woman,
you’re worth more than that. Your time is to be BOUGHT, not BORROWED.

I Love You,

Nova Giovanni

Tweets | Tumblr | YouTube