My BBM Stands For MY BUSINESS...You Crazy Ass Person -- Written By @DrJayJack

Posted by Dr Jay Jack at 3:22 PM #ohyoufancyhuh, FUNNY, The Clinic, blog, dr jay jack No Responses »
Jul 302010

My BBM stands for MY BUSINESS

No, BBM is not down. It's called "I deleted you."

Alice: R – Hey what’s up?
Alice: R – Why are you ignoring my BBMs
Alice: R – I know you are reading them!

That pesky R in BBM is the most stalkerish thing ever created.

BBM is the one thing that the iPhone has not been able to offer to its users.  The Droid doesn’t have it and neither does the Palm Pre.  It’s an exclusive chat room that enables its users to communication with one another limited to only those with Blackberry devices.  It runs on a server that is intended for company chat communications, but if you want you can opt out of that for the global network and communicate with everyone.  BBM even has these chat groups now where a group of friends can keep in touch all the time.  A group of guys use BBM chat groups to do research and share information when in the club, but most times it just becomes an offline twitter account.

But the thing about BBM is that it automatically sends read receipts to the recipient.  (For a minute they contemplated leaving an option to display when the user was on the phone, this was headed nowhere good.)  And so how does it feel when you know someone received your message, and elects not to respond to it. It is like, “You had enough time to read it, but not to reply to it.”

You crazy-ass-person.

Do you know why caller-ID was created?  Because sometimes you do not want to pick up the phone.  Let’s be real, just because you want to talk to me, doesn’t mean I want to talk to you. I just don’t think it’s a problem for me to say sometimes that I don’t want to talk.  Or sometimes, I don’t want to chat.  To me, BBM is like those people who walk into rooms and just start talking, regardless, of whether you are in the middle of discussion or not. Maybe it’s the Libra in me?

You know what else I hate about BBM? It saves conversations. Why is it saving my conversations? You ever walk in the crib and your girl is going through your phone?  Where they do that at?  You know Chris Brown had an experience with a woman going through his cell phone.  To me, I miss the days of the pay phone, where you had to grab some quarters before you left the house.  When you said, I’ll meet you at the movies at Union Station and you just had to be there or you was short.  I don’t need to be accessible 24 hours out the day. I know you took the time to send me a BBM, but I don’t have the time to answer.

And what about lonely people at home when you are in the presence of other people?  Those the ones I hate the most.  It’s not my fault you only got friend on BBM, I got friends in real life.  When I’m out and about on the weekend, I feel rude when I’m on my phone answering BBMs when I have people talking to me.  No no no, you know who I hate the absolute most?  Those repeat messagers.  They try and tell you a whole story meanwhile you aren’t responding.  Listen, if I don’t respond after the first two messages, know that you are buzzing on my hip over and over again and annoying the bat sh*t out of me.  I’m just venting…

But what I want to leave you with today is that my BBM is my business.  It is an application on my phone that I may or may not be paying attention to.  I was gracious enough to give you my pin, but it is not to be worn around your neck.  I could red dot you, but no one likes the red dot. (Except you nasty saggin jeans fools.  Stop running red lights!)  Nonetheless, I got your message, I will respond when I get to it, or I may not.  Every BBM doesn’t warrant a response, but every no-reply does not require an angry follow up.  To me it only convinces me that you are a crazy… deranged… woman.

For more writing from Dr Jay on this site, click here.

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You Just Got LeBron James'ed...Written by @DrJayJack X @Rahim_TheDream

Posted by Rahim The Dream at 9:06 PM #ohyoufancyhuh, #payHomage, Celebrities, Celebs. Funny, Dwyane Wade, Rev Rah, The Clinic, blog, guest blogger, relationships, removing friends on facebook 4 Responses »
Jul 252010

I think I'm taking my talents to Alicia Keys.

I can’t see why any man is mad at Swizz Beatz for what he did.  Actually, I can, he’s probably not the highest on my list of people I’ve sign off on.  I wouldn’t actually admit this anywhere but here, but… LeBron James going to Miami has nothing on Swizz Beatz leaving Mashonda for Alicia Keys.  So on Mother’s Day 2008, Swizz Beatz sat at his dining room table as Mashonda opened her Mother’s Day card and said, “Baby, I have something to tell you, I’m f*cking Alicia Keys.”  (If I was sleeping with Alicia Keys, I’d tell everyone I know even my mama.)

I can think of several times in life when I have made The Decision.  High school, I’d date a chick, find a better chick, and break up with the old one on BlackPlanet.  Now this type of thing happens every day and we just look over it.  And in addition to that, there’s always getting Amare’d, when you leave a good girl for a bottom chick.  You might have thought she was going to throw some D’s on it, but all you got was two A’s and a big a*s thigh.

Here’s a practical example of doing the LeBron and making The Decision.  The Let Out – You know that when the club ends and you are trying to find beats, you will leave the chick you talked to all night, to go to the woman who gives you the best chance to win.  Let me tell you something about women, if you got that girl because you make six figures, drive a Mercedes, and have a big house in Connecticut, I have no clue what you are going to do when the Senior VP shows up at Greenhouse in a helicopter and whisks her away to the Hamptons.  I feel like the jury is still out on Brad Pitt, I still think Jennifer Anniston is a bad b*tch.  And by b*tch, I mean that she is a shrewd, complaining all the time, always got something to say about something that her man has to do, woman; fortunately the prefix bad means, she’s good looking.

However, Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey, Swizz Beatz and Alicia Keys, Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union, Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni, these are all examples of people who dumped their current chick and went with the better team to win.  Personally, I think Selita has a huge forehead.

My whole point here was to point out to you that although sports fans may feel like LeBron did the right thing, some may feel like he did Cleveland dirty, and some people don’t care where LeBron is because the Lakers are still going to win the championship anyway, however, we do the same thing every day.  Every day we make decisions that put us in a better position than where we were before.  It’s like they say, all is fair in Love & Basketball.

>>>>>>>Rahim walks in, while Jay is writing. Listens to the beat…starts boppin his head, then drops the following verse: <<<<<<<<<

You’re horrible, Dr. Jay, for breaking up with a girlfriend on Blackplanet. What about if she decided to not check her account for a few days?
Dr Jay’s ex (voicemail):  Jay, This is _____. I don’t understand why you haven’t been calling me, or coming to school all week. Can you please tell me what’s wrong?
Dr Jay (to himself):  She just doesn’t get it. I clearly sent her a blackplanet message. 
Ah, Who am I to talk, I didn’t break up with a girl face to face until college. When I was done with you in high school, I would have one of my home girls do it for me, or have them pick up the phone when you called me to ask you how you felt about not ever calling me again.  #Bawse.
Rahim’s ex: hello?
Rahim’s homegirl: yeah?
Rahim’s ex: hey, is Rahim there?
Rahim’s homegirl: yeah, but he said you guys aren’t going out anymore. Check your myspace.

Decisions…

Decisions, with respect to relationships are interesting.
This old lurky wise man once told me that men are like “monkey bars” to women. They hang onto the current one with one arm loose, with plans to swing to and hang on the next bar that gets them closer to their destination. This might translate to women as well, but i did say he was lurky, so he might have actually been talking about girls.
I digress.
Ultimately, people don’t have a problem with folks moving on, but they often have issues with:

How they did it:  “I got no advance notice…” “You cheated on me!” “I can’t believe you let my frat hit it!” etc.
Insecurities:  “I don’t think I’ll be able to get anyone or anything like this again…”
Investment: “I spent all my rent money on your handbag, heaux!” or “do you have any idea how many vaginas opportunities i missed out on being faithful to you?”
Lebron’s ex Dan Gilbert seemed to be angry on all accounts. Actually, he had plenty of notice so eff that.  Yes, he definitely doesn’t think he’ll be able to find another player like LeBron again. You think he woulda bitched over Leon Powe?  #NoDisrespect.  The Cavs have definitely invested a lot of time, money, etc into BronBron, but he’s given them plenty of handbags a great return.

So, um, scratch all of that. I don’t think either missed out on any vj in the past 7 years, unless it was by choice.  I’m not saying any names, Dan. You seem like the type that…


Anyway, in conclusion, everyone has to know their own worth, and be able to adapt to change. Everyone wants to win, so  they’ll go where they see the “W.” Relationships and friendships are an at-will agreements. People flip the bird and move on with or without notice #everydayB.

A Groupie Is What A Groupie Does...... By @DrJayJack

Posted by Rahim The Dream at 11:36 AM FUNNY, The Clinic, blog, dr jay jack, everyday blogs, guest blogger No Responses »
Jun 152010

Editors Note: WARNING! If you feel offended by reading this, then do not be angry at me or the messenger. If you think this song is about you, then stop drinking up everyone else’s liquor reading now.

yes you are

Guilty by association is an epidemic in our network. But do you have any friends who are gold diggers, groupies or jumpoffs. I mean there’s a difference between a freak and a hoe. And there’s a difference between a girl who knows a lot of famous people and a groupie. And I’m sure 75% of all the groupies reading this just said to themselves, “I can’t help that I know a lot of famous people.” The thing is that your friends know that you are a groupie. They benefit from letting you be the groupie and they just show up to get in free and get free liquor.

Silly rabbits…

If a celebrity is in the club; an actor, model, basketball player, baseball player, or musician/rapper, and you are at his table. No matter if you think you are or not, you are a groupie. We call this type of groupie the “involuntary groupie.”

What baffles me is how women who fit the description of a groupie, deny it to the grave. No one forces you to do anything you don’t want to do. No one told you that you had to go over to that celebrity’s table, you did it on your own volition. Take a step back and look at yourself. There’s a woman, she’s in the club with skin tight dress on, no panties and her butt is hanging out, she’s at the table of a popular athlete for the New Jersey Nets, and she’s drinking his liquor. Oh one remaining fact, there’s like 12 others just like her standing there too. If you didn’t know any better you’d say this girl is a groupie. That’s you! Some women don’t care what people think about them. Most women do.

no not you, the girl next to you.

The core of the issue is that you may not willingly be a groupie, your friend is a groupie. Ladies, I’d suggest that you tell your friend to stop putting you in situations where you look like a groupie. If you’ve ever been standing outside of a popular club whilst your friend is trying to get the attention of a celebrity she may have chilled with before, instruct her to stop and go to another venue where you can get admission easier. Your crew looks like a hot mess trying to flag down Mike Rumph outside the club. Who is Mike Rumph? Exactly. If your friend comes to you and says, “Hey girl, so they want to know if we want to go back to their room and chill after this.” Grab a cup, put some ice in it, put some cranberry or sprite in that cup and throw it in her face and tell her to, “Wake up heffer! We ain’t groupies!”

If you want to prove to anyone that you aren’t a groupie, try getting your own table. There is nothing more attractive than a group of ladies with their own table in the club. If you can’t afford a table, then buy drinks at the bar, if not that, then just stay at home. Most of the problem originates from women who are obsessed with free ish, either that or they are in fact groupies. I swear if someone was standing on the corner handing out free AIDS samples women would have to do a double take. Nevertheless, next time you are in the club texting your girlfriend that you are chilling at Carmelo’s table, guess what? She’s thinking, I am glad I didn’t go out with her groupie ass tonight.

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Why are our kids having so much sex (and singing about it)? By @DrJayJack

Posted by Rahim The Dream at 3:19 AM The Clinic, Usher, WTF, Why Are Kids Having So Much Sex, bad news, blog, nicki minaj, relationships, sex, sexual partners No Responses »
Jun 102010

I think somewhere along the way I heard a kid on the subway singing, “I’m about to pull over and give you the business… the business..” Or maybe it was when the chick on the bus was singing, “I’m calling you daddy… daddy… daddy…” I mean has anyone noticed that there are just too many songs on the radio with children-like voices singing about sex? Or maybe it’s because that pedophile Usher has a song on the radio right now asking you to go find him some “Little Freaks.” And he’s sending a chick who sounds like a little girl to get them, who by the way, every girl under the age of 18 idolizes. I don’t know, I can’t figure out why kids are having so much sex, but can we please talk about it?

I think that our children are being raised by TV, Movies, Radio and Internet, and leave anything up to the entertainment industry and they will have you on a sex tape in no time. Children are making sex tapes, they are having threesomes, they are having sex parties, and they are sending naked pictures of themselves to each other. I think that as we mature we tend to shy away from mainstream music that just produces trash, but when we were younger we wanted to hear the most explicit lyrics we could find. I mean, I was listening to Lil’ Kim’s “Big Momma Thing” the other day and I think my jaw dropped off the first 8 bars. But I also think that because every part of what we were being exposed to didn’t perpetuate the same Lil’ Kim image we didn’t catch on like that. But our children these days aren’t so lucky. Truth be told, there’s a girl out there who thinks Pregnant at 16 is her favorite TV show.

I know that each generation pushes the limit a little further, but basic anatomy will only allow for that to go so far. But I think that what’s happening is leading to some dangerous things in our society. A raise in teen pregnancy, teen STDs, and teen sexual assault and rape cases. This is because there is a gap of education and when the kids are having sex. A 10 year old tries to tell me that he can’t get a chick pregnant because he’s not making sperm yet. He thought he sounded smart… Until I informed him that he could still catch HIV from some infested little hoodrat who got it from her mother… that she never met and hasn’t been tested for. And he could get her pregnant! Children idolize Chris Brown and Rihanna and they are beginning to think that domestic violence is cool, if it goes both ways. They think threesomes are something that someone should have.

Here’s a concept that a 12 year old boy can’t comprehend: she might have said yes, but changed her mind. It’s still rape!!!

So I propose three things to fight this epidemic. 1) Start talking to the youth about sex, they may not feel comfortable talking to their parents, but they may talk to a young adult. 2) Start looking for a meaningful mode of sexual education that we can implement in our schools and community centers. 3) Start talking to the adults who interact with these kids all the time about not being scared or thinking they are corrupting these kids by talking to them about sex. Our kids are having sex, it’s a mute point of how we got here, it’s about what we are going to do now.

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Kat Stacks...and Her Amazing VJJ by @DrJayJack

Posted by Rahim The Dream at 12:52 PM FUNNY, Rumors, The Clinic, dr jay jack, guest blogger, kat stacks, sex No Responses »
Jun 072010

Editors Note: “Yup, good to hoe.”

–

kat stacks yup good to hoe

Kat Stacks embodies everything we hate about women and everything we love about women at the same time. It’s a sign of indecision that a woman who has seized power in sleeping with men, rather than being deducted as the overpowered. So why do women hate this woman who doesn’t hate herself? There’s a short answer and there’s a long answer. The short answer is that deep down inside everyone wants to be Kat Stacks, since they can’t then… ooh she nasty.

For those of you who haven’t heard Kat Stacks is a Venezuelan chick who has made it big by confessing or claiming to have slept with several celebrities, mainly Young Money. In which she smashed the whole crew and Lil’ Wayne gave her $1200. She also hit off Nelly. But he called her up on the radio and had her stuttering like Usher. My my my… You should check out her blog, it’s really hilarious. Or stop being lazy and just google her.

Despite the fact that she uses the N word a little too much for my liking, I’m not able to hate on her as much as some of the public hates on her. I think something struck a chord with me, “A lot of you girls give it up for free, at least I get paid.” I’m so perplexed by this statement because a lot of girls do just give up the goods for free. We used to play that game in grade school where we would ask, “Would you sleep with X for $500, Would you sleep with X for $1 million, so how much would you sleep with X for?” And when the person replied, “Nothing” we would fall out laughing. But that’s really what goes on in this world these days. Women give it up for nothing, and then want to know why men don’t value it. But Kat’s on to something here…

Why were so many people up in arms about Kat Stacks smashing the homies, when Kat Stacks didn’t deny it, or feel bad about it? This is what I’m still waiting on an answer about. Is it that women don’t like when women promote loose behavior because it makes them all look bad? You know what looks bad? The fact that Kat Stacks got paid for smashing the homies, and you effed Ray-Ray’s broke a*s for free. I know it’s a couple people under the sight of this post who would smash Trey Songz and Chris Brown if they could. They would even do it in one fell swoop. And they would do it for free, but Kat Stacks did get a little money out of it. She also “allegedly” got a book deal and gets paid appearances at clubs now too.

Then I sat down and it got a little clearer, a lot of women let a boy beat for less, but not free. Women let a dude beat for a pair of shoes, an outfit, a drink, admission into the club, a ride to the club, a meal, or even just for association. I mean after all, at some point in your life you have to rationalize why you slept with old homeboy. They tell us dudes, “You paid for the p*ssy some way, somehow, but no p*ssy is free.” I didn’t believe that, but it’s true.

You know what else is true? It is a testament of our generation that someone such as Kat Stacks can be famous, or have some notoriety for her presence. Let’s keep in mind people that Kat Stacks only has one claim to fame, her vagina. A lot of women have been trying to make it in America off brains, wit, looks, or whatever is new this week and this girl made it off of vagina. I’m reminded of something a wise man once said to me, “Women don’t receive any credit for going to school or excelling in their career, it’s not required. A man’s plight in life is to provide for his family. So if she wants to do all that it’s cool, but it’s not required and thus I don’t applaud it. A man is going to take care of all that himself.”

My question to you is three-fold. Is a woman’s vagina that golden that she can use it to make it in this world? Should anyone be mad at Kat Stacks if Kat Stacks isn’t mad at herself? As the great Fatman Sccop asked you a few years ago, “Who f*cking tonight!?”

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You Gon' Think I Invented Text: Why We Don't Pick Up The Phone by @Rahim_TheDream feat. @DrJayJack

Posted by admin at 6:17 PM The Clinic, boondocks, dr jay jack, hip hop blog, invented sex, radio the rahim, texting and relationships, trey songz, you gon think i invented text 12 Responses »
Apr 202010

6 Reasons Why We Won’t Pick Up & We Let Our Thumbs Do The Talkin’

Girl, you gon think we invented text...yuuup

1. We’re not in high school anymore
Back when I was a lil’ pickney, we didn’t have cell phones.  House phones were the boo-cakin weapon of choice, and we had to share them our family members. Young lovers would lust for the chance to phone bone themselves into handheld exstacy all through the devil’s hours of the night, or until your parents heard you and picked up on of the other phones to embarrass you. Who remembers that? You’re on the phone, momma picks it up and starts dialing all over your sexy time, until you have no choice but to take your hand out your pocket & yell:

“MOM, I’m ON IT!”
“Well I need to use it so get off!”
“Awww mom.”
Yes, I remember those moments when less meant so much more.
Now that your gigglin, reminiscin’ or whatever, please note that back then:

1a) we didn’t pay the bill
b) we didn’t have “real jobs” to wake up to the next morning
c) text messaging plans costed an extra 10 jillion a month
We don’t have the same problems anymore, but let’s be real. I’m going to save us the arguement over who hangs up first by erasing the call altogether. Ima send you a “have a good night hun!” You gon think I invented text.

2. Go play somewhere, I’m busy

Last time I checked, you ladies had no love for a man who stays home swirlin his pubes. (There is a time & place for that though.) I’m the type of brother that likes to get up get out and do somethin’ I work in an industry where my blackberry stays attached to my hip, or most times via my thumbtips. Guess what, if I’m at the office, and you call me:

2a) I’ma think you don’t respect what I do…who calls people on their cell while they are at work expecting them to pick up? And unless we’re breaking bread, you can’t have my office number. The fun part about this is that my hours are so haphazard that this is pretty much unfair. Not only do I do my thang in the office, but if I’m not there, then I’m most likely at a listening event, album release, movie screening, in studio session, interview, yadda yadda check my twitter . Oh yea, and the noise level at those places is always too loud. My bad. But guess what?

If you text me, ima hit you right back. Girl you gon think I invented text.

3. “I don’t Check My Voicemail…”

Now I may have sounded like an asshole on the other 2 but somebody’s got to feel me on this shit right chea.

I never was a fan of checking my voicemail because I just never feel like it but I’ma call this one the “DJ Vlad,” because he actually announces on his voicemail “I don’t check my voicemail, so if you are looking to get in contact with me, PLEASE TEXT ME.”
There is a wave of folk who can’t stand holding down 1.  Furthermore, if i didn’t want to hear  or talk to you before, chances are as soon as you start talking, I’m gonna press “7.” ESPECIALLY IF I DONT LIKE OR I FIND YOUR SUBJECT MATTER TRIVIAL. Let the chuuch say amen, because I know quite a few people who think exactly the same way. Those are the exact same people who i pick the phone up for, because I know that if they are calling me, it must be important– see how this sucks for you works?Protip: Send us a text saying “please call it’s important.”  Note: Crying wolf on this will lead to unamazing communication with me in the future, by the way.

Some folks argue that a text conversation is foolish because you can handle everything quickly and efficiently with a phone call. I feel it cuts out all the unnecessary “hey what’s up” and bs talk when you really called me because you needed something…and then the awkward filler conversation & closure of the call after the point of the call has been reached is never good times. If you need something, or want to holla, text me!  I don’t have a problem with people sending me short requests because, “if you can’t be used, your useless.” (got that from ‘Ye).

Am I being obnoxious? Sounds like it, but add “upfront” to that description. Give me your thoughts on this, because I know there’s way more subject matter to cover. Let me know what you think… actually, never mind. I know what you gon’ think. :)

Editor’s Note: Ladies, above does not apply to drunk phone calls, depending on how good you look.

In walks Dr. Jay Jack…

word to my hat you betta text me or we ain't speakin

Radio, I got em. I wanted to just piggyback a few points here.  1) Even my mother texts, BBMs, and AIMs me, 2) You always say men can’t multitask, but when we try, you deny us our civil liberties, and 3) T-Mobile never lied when they said, Fave 5.  I’ll be brief.

1)      My fave 5. I have about five people who if they call me, I’ll always pick up.  It’s three guys and two girls.  These people have been in my fave 5 since college.  It will take a long time for someone else to fit their way into my fave 5.

2)      I like to multi-task.  In short, once I pick up the phone, I now stop receiving text messages and BBMs, it’s horribly inefficient.  I also use my phone for gchat too.  So where as I can be having conversations with 10 people, I now must stop what I’m doing to just talk to you.

3)      Lastly, my mother is probably the one woman on this planet who likes to talk to me a lot and all the time.  However, even my mother has learned that if she would like to do that she should learn how to engage in some textual communication.  And I’m sorry if my mother can text me or BBM me, then for Christ’s sake I have no sympathy for the rest of you.

If your goal is to communicate with me, then communicate. Also note, stressing me out about not being able to talk on the phone will not aide in your cause either, it will only make me stop texting you too.

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