Weezy has nothing really to do with the post. #laziness

How Men Feel About Their Friends Who Cheat

I had a friend approach me one time and say you should do a post on women who screw up their relationships by just not being a good girl.  A few days ago, it came to my attention that one of my friends had me into a situation that I did not want to be in.  He’s cheating on his girlfriend, but here’s how it gets interesting; he’s brought us all into the scandal too.  He brought his girlfriend into my house, I may have introduced her to a lady I was seeing, and special events such as birthday dinners and weddings, he brought her as his date.  But, he cheats on her almost habitually.  And as a man let me tell you that we don’t like to get in anyone’s business, but we feel like that’s trifling.

The reason is because as your friend, my loyalty is to you, but your actions are a reflection on all of us.  And when we have to aide and abide in the cover up it brings down our reputation too.  It’s not about telling the lie for you, it’s about when she finds out she feels stupid and thinks everyone who was in the know thinks she’s stupid too.  If I introduce your girlfriend to my Dad, but then turn around and say, “yeah man but to be honest, Sebastian cheats on her all the time.”  Now I’m bringing my Dad into how people view this girl.  And pretty soon, we all start to look bad for the cover-up job we’re pulling off.  If you ask me to be your girlfriend’s friend, then you have to understand that I like to tell my friends the truth.

And when things come to light, even her friends will judge you.  Raise your hand if you’ve ever had a friend who got dumped for cheating.  Now think back to how it feels when you see their friends later on, they look at you funny, hesitant to hold conversation with you, they might smile and say what’s up, but… well you know the rest.  Behind closed doors that entire circle of girlfriends has shared stories about your cheating friend, his behavior, and the fact that “birds of the same feather, flock together.”  Independent of this reason is also the fact that if one of her friends chooses to date you, she knows that just the sight of you will bring a sour taste back to her mouth about your cheating friend.

So you see a cheating friend is a cancer.  It’s a burdensome cancer too, because it’s so hard to get rid of.  As a man, if I told anyone, “I stopped hanging out with Sebastian because he’s always cheating on women.”  People would look at me like I was a member of the Tea Party.  Therefore, as a man, having a dude in the crew who is a cheater is like herpes.  I wish I had never messed with you in the first place, but now I can’t get rid of you.

I will be honest, there was a time when I had to distance myself from a married man and his exploits because I felt that he was morally wrong.  This guy had a wife in the suburbs and a boyfriend in the city.  Everyone amongst his network knew that on the low, he was on the low.  I wasn’t mad that he was bisexual, I was mad that he was bringing all that baggage into his marriage.  As a child of divorced parents, people will ask why aren’t your parents together.  It’s real easy to say, “My parents just don’t get along.”  It’s not so easy to say, “My father decided that he’d rather step outside of his marriage than be a husband and a full-time father.”

I think that men who are friends with cheaters should always ask the tough questions, even if they won’t disassociate with the friend.  If your friend tells you he’s thinking about getting married, ask him, “But, you been stepping out on Ashley for a minute now.”  See what he says, at the point that he decides to take his relationship to God, you might have to call shenanigans and let him know that you can’t go to God with him, if he’s going to keep being an adulterer.  My closing point is this, women often think that men just sit by and condone the behavior of knuckleheads and noodles, we don’t.  We peep what our boys are doing and although we may still watch the Super Bowl with them, we don’t take dating advice from them.

ThisIsTheDream - Never Needed Acceptance From All You Outsiders

No, BBM is not down. It's called "I deleted you."

Alice: R – Hey what’s up?
Alice: R – Why are you ignoring my BBMs
Alice: R – I know you are reading them!

That pesky R in BBM is the most stalkerish thing ever created.

BBM is the one thing that the iPhone has not been able to offer to its users.  The Droid doesn’t have it and neither does the Palm Pre.  It’s an exclusive chat room that enables its users to communication with one another limited to only those with Blackberry devices.  It runs on a server that is intended for company chat communications, but if you want you can opt out of that for the global network and communicate with everyone.  BBM even has these chat groups now where a group of friends can keep in touch all the time.  A group of guys use BBM chat groups to do research and share information when in the club, but most times it just becomes an offline twitter account.

But the thing about BBM is that it automatically sends read receipts to the recipient.  (For a minute they contemplated leaving an option to display when the user was on the phone, this was headed nowhere good.)  And so how does it feel when you know someone received your message, and elects not to respond to it. It is like, “You had enough time to read it, but not to reply to it.”

You crazy-ass-person.

Do you know why caller-ID was created?  Because sometimes you do not want to pick up the phone.  Let’s be real, just because you want to talk to me, doesn’t mean I want to talk to you. I just don’t think it’s a problem for me to say sometimes that I don’t want to talk.  Or sometimes, I don’t want to chat.  To me, BBM is like those people who walk into rooms and just start talking, regardless, of whether you are in the middle of discussion or not. Maybe it’s the Libra in me?

You know what else I hate about BBM? It saves conversations. Why is it saving my conversations? You ever walk in the crib and your girl is going through your phone?  Where they do that at?  You know Chris Brown had an experience with a woman going through his cell phone.  To me, I miss the days of the pay phone, where you had to grab some quarters before you left the house.  When you said, I’ll meet you at the movies at Union Station and you just had to be there or you was short.  I don’t need to be accessible 24 hours out the day. I know you took the time to send me a BBM, but I don’t have the time to answer.

And what about lonely people at home when you are in the presence of other people?  Those the ones I hate the most.  It’s not my fault you only got friend on BBM, I got friends in real life.  When I’m out and about on the weekend, I feel rude when I’m on my phone answering BBMs when I have people talking to me.  No no no, you know who I hate the absolute most?  Those repeat messagers.  They try and tell you a whole story meanwhile you aren’t responding.  Listen, if I don’t respond after the first two messages, know that you are buzzing on my hip over and over again and annoying the bat sh*t out of me.  I’m just venting…

But what I want to leave you with today is that my BBM is my business.  It is an application on my phone that I may or may not be paying attention to.  I was gracious enough to give you my pin, but it is not to be worn around your neck.  I could red dot you, but no one likes the red dot. (Except you nasty saggin jeans fools.  Stop running red lights!)  Nonetheless, I got your message, I will respond when I get to it, or I may not.  Every BBM doesn’t warrant a response, but every no-reply does not require an angry follow up.  To me it only convinces me that you are a crazy… deranged… woman.

For more writing from Dr Jay on this site, click here.

ThisIsTheDream - Never Needed Acceptance From All You Outsiders

I think I'm taking my talents to Alicia Keys.

I can’t see why any man is mad at Swizz Beatz for what he did.  Actually, I can, he’s probably not the highest on my list of people I’ve sign off on.  I wouldn’t actually admit this anywhere but here, but… LeBron James going to Miami has nothing on Swizz Beatz leaving Mashonda for Alicia Keys.  So on Mother’s Day 2008, Swizz Beatz sat at his dining room table as Mashonda opened her Mother’s Day card and said, “Baby, I have something to tell you, I’m f*cking Alicia Keys.”  (If I was sleeping with Alicia Keys, I’d tell everyone I know even my mama.)

I can think of several times in life when I have made The Decision.  High school, I’d date a chick, find a better chick, and break up with the old one on BlackPlanet.  Now this type of thing happens every day and we just look over it.  And in addition to that, there’s always getting Amare’d, when you leave a good girl for a bottom chick.  You might have thought she was going to throw some D’s on it, but all you got was two A’s and a big a*s thigh.

Here’s a practical example of doing the LeBron and making The Decision.  The Let Out – You know that when the club ends and you are trying to find beats, you will leave the chick you talked to all night, to go to the woman who gives you the best chance to win.  Let me tell you something about women, if you got that girl because you make six figures, drive a Mercedes, and have a big house in Connecticut, I have no clue what you are going to do when the Senior VP shows up at Greenhouse in a helicopter and whisks her away to the Hamptons.  I feel like the jury is still out on Brad Pitt, I still think Jennifer Anniston is a bad b*tch.  And by b*tch, I mean that she is a shrewd, complaining all the time, always got something to say about something that her man has to do, woman; fortunately the prefix bad means, she’s good looking.

However, Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey, Swizz Beatz and Alicia Keys, Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union, Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni, these are all examples of people who dumped their current chick and went with the better team to win.  Personally, I think Selita has a huge forehead.

My whole point here was to point out to you that although sports fans may feel like LeBron did the right thing, some may feel like he did Cleveland dirty, and some people don’t care where LeBron is because the Lakers are still going to win the championship anyway, however, we do the same thing every day.  Every day we make decisions that put us in a better position than where we were before.  It’s like they say, all is fair in Love & Basketball.

>>>>>>>Rahim walks in, while Jay is writing. Listens to the beat…starts boppin his head, then drops the following verse: <<<<<<<<<

You’re horrible, Dr. Jay, for breaking up with a girlfriend on Blackplanet. What about if she decided to not check her account for a few days?
Dr Jay’s ex (voicemail):  Jay, This is _____. I don’t understand why you haven’t been calling me, or coming to school all week. Can you please tell me what’s wrong?
Dr Jay (to himself):  She just doesn’t get it. I clearly sent her a blackplanet message. 
Ah, Who am I to talk, I didn’t break up with a girl face to face until college. When I was done with you in high school, I would have one of my home girls do it for me, or have them pick up the phone when you called me to ask you how you felt about not ever calling me again.  #Bawse.
Rahim’s ex: hello?
Rahim’s homegirl: yeah?
Rahim’s ex: hey, is Rahim there?
Rahim’s homegirl: yeah, but he said you guys aren’t going out anymore. Check your myspace.

Decisions…

Decisions, with respect to relationships are interesting.
This old lurky wise man once told me that men are like “monkey bars” to women. They hang onto the current one with one arm loose, with plans to swing to and hang on the next bar that gets them closer to their destination. This might translate to women as well, but i did say he was lurky, so he might have actually been talking about girls.
I digress.
Ultimately, people don’t have a problem with folks moving on, but they often have issues with:

How they did it:  “I got no advance notice…” “You cheated on me!” “I can’t believe you let my frat hit it!” etc.
Insecurities:  “I don’t think I’ll be able to get anyone or anything like this again…”
Investment: “I spent all my rent money on your handbag, heaux!” or “do you have any idea how many vaginas opportunities i missed out on being faithful to you?”
Lebron’s ex Dan Gilbert seemed to be angry on all accounts. Actually, he had plenty of notice so eff that.  Yes, he definitely doesn’t think he’ll be able to find another player like LeBron again. You think he woulda bitched over Leon Powe?  #NoDisrespect.  The Cavs have definitely invested a lot of time, money, etc into BronBron, but he’s given them plenty of handbags a great return.

So, um, scratch all of that. I don’t think either missed out on any vj in the past 7 years, unless it was by choice.  I’m not saying any names, Dan. You seem like the type that…

Anyway, in conclusion, everyone has to know their own worth, and be able to adapt to change. Everyone wants to win, so  they’ll go where they see the “W.” Relationships and friendships are an at-will agreements. People flip the bird and move on with or without notice #everydayB.

ThisIsTheDream - Never Needed Acceptance From All You Outsiders

Guilty by association is an epidemic in our network. But do you have any friends who are gold diggers, groupies or jumpoffs. I mean there’s a difference between a freak and a hoe. And there’s a difference between a girl who knows a lot of famous people and a groupie. And I’m sure 75% of all the groupies reading this just said to themselves, “I can’t help that I know a lot of famous people.” The thing is that your friends know that you are a groupie. They benefit from letting you be the groupie and they just show up to get in free and get free liquor.

Silly rabbits…

If a celebrity is in the club; an actor, model, basketball player, baseball player, or musician/rapper, and you are at his table. No matter if you think you are or not, you are a groupie. We call this type of groupie the “involuntary groupie.”

What baffles me is how women who fit the description of a groupie, deny it to the grave. No one forces you to do anything you don’t want to do. No one told you that you had to go over to that celebrity’s table, you did it on your own volition. Take a step back and look at yourself. There’s a woman, she’s in the club with skin tight dress on, no panties and her butt is hanging out, she’s at the table of a popular athlete for the New Jersey Nets, and she’s drinking his liquor. Oh one remaining fact, there’s like 12 others just like her standing there too. If you didn’t know any better you’d say this girl is a groupie. That’s you! Some women don’t care what people think about them. Most women do.

More…

ThisIsTheDream - Never Needed Acceptance From All You Outsiders

I think somewhere along the way I heard a kid on the subway singing, “I’m about to pull over and give you the business… the business..” Or maybe it was when the chick on the bus was singing, “I’m calling you daddy… daddy… daddy…” I mean has anyone noticed that there are just too many songs on the radio with children-like voices singing about sex? Or maybe it’s because that pedophile Usher has a song on the radio right now asking you to go find him some “Little Freaks.” And he’s sending a chick who sounds like a little girl to get them, who by the way, every girl under the age of 18 idolizes. I don’t know, I can’t figure out why kids are having so much sex, but can we please talk about it?

I think that our children are being raised by TV, Movies, Radio and Internet, and leave anything up to the entertainment industry and they will have you on a sex tape in no time. Children are making sex tapes, they are having threesomes, they are having sex parties, and they are sending naked pictures of themselves to each other. I think that as we mature we tend to shy away from mainstream music that just produces trash, but when we were younger we wanted to hear the most explicit lyrics we could find. I mean, I was listening to Lil’ Kim’s “Big Momma Thing” the other day and I think my jaw dropped off the first 8 bars. But I also think that because every part of what we were being exposed to didn’t perpetuate the same Lil’ Kim image we didn’t catch on like that. But our children these days aren’t so lucky. Truth be told, there’s a girl out there who thinks Pregnant at 16 is her favorite TV show.

I know that each generation pushes the limit a little further, but basic anatomy will only allow for that to go so far. But I think that what’s happening is leading to some dangerous things in our society. A raise in teen pregnancy, teen STDs, and teen sexual assault and rape cases. This is because there is a gap of education and when the kids are having sex. A 10 year old tries to tell me that he can’t get a chick pregnant because he’s not making sperm yet. He thought he sounded smart… Until I informed him that he could still catch HIV from some infested little hoodrat who got it from her mother… that she never met and hasn’t been tested for. And he could get her pregnant! Children idolize Chris Brown and Rihanna and they are beginning to think that domestic violence is cool, if it goes both ways. They think threesomes are something that someone should have.

Here’s a concept that a 12 year old boy can’t comprehend: she might have said yes, but changed her mind. It’s still rape!!!

So I propose three things to fight this epidemic. 1) Start talking to the youth about sex, they may not feel comfortable talking to their parents, but they may talk to a young adult. 2) Start looking for a meaningful mode of sexual education that we can implement in our schools and community centers. 3) Start talking to the adults who interact with these kids all the time about not being scared or thinking they are corrupting these kids by talking to them about sex. Our kids are having sex, it’s a mute point of how we got here, it’s about what we are going to do now.

ThisIsTheDream - Never Needed Acceptance From All You Outsiders