There is a negative connotation associated with prenuptial agreements.  Now, I am not married, I’m not engaged…I’m not even dating anyone special right now; I don’t need to be any of those things to imagine what kind of response you might get after telling your special someone, “Baby, I love you…but I’m not marrying you without a prenup.” I can see the person on the receiving end of such a request saying something like “So you’re already planning for this to end, huh?”…or “What kind of a person do you think I am?”

I think both of those are valid responses to a prenup request. However, should I find a man who makes me want to walk down the aisle in all white…there will already be a prenup, signed, sealed & delivered….and NOW I’m yours.

Yes. I want a prenup. Let’s say I get married..and my husband and I grow, build and prosper together. Excellent. Should we get a divorce, all of that is fair game.  However! When it comes time for me to take someone else’s last name (which is also up for negotiation, but that’s another post), there will be things I have earned and obtained on my own, prior to that glorious day. This list could include, but is not limited to: property, furniture, brands, stocks, business(es), wealth, etc. There are certain things I just refuse to give someone the opportunity to take away from me.

It’s a natural response to say “Why get married if you expect it to end?” or even, “If you’re going into a marriage expecting failure, that’s exactly what you’ll get.” True indeed…but the key word here is *expect*. I don’t think anybody EXPECTS their marriage to end…but you already know those statistics. Sometimes, shit just happens. People change. Haven’t you ever been in a relationship with someone and thought “I can’t imagine my life without this person”…then you break up…and a few months later you think “Thank GOD that person isn’t in my life anymore!”?? There’s no guarantee that won’t happen in a marriage. It might take 2 months…2 years…or 25 years. I don’t see a prenup as expecting the marriage to end…I see it as being prepared for all possible outcomes.

For me specifically, it’s not the actual ending of the marriage that makes me want a prenup…it’s how people behave when they’re hurt. That saying “hurt-people hurt people” is no joke. People get really malicious and vindictive when they feel they’ve been wronged..men and women alike. Think about it-you have no idea how someone will handle a break-up until you actually get there. Rash decisions are very often the decisions that can’t be undone. And again…I REFUSE to give someone the opportunity to f-ck with anything I made for myself, BY myself while I was by myself.

(Don’t get it twisted, my prenup will also protect whatever my husband came into the marriage with also. I play fair.)

How would you respond if your honey told you there would be no wedding without a prenup? Do you want a prenup of your own?

Single and accumulating,

Duncan

 Editor:::: Have a topic you’d like Duncan to discuss? Send topics to duncan@thisisthedream.com

Back To Me

Two weeks after being hospitalized for taking a mix of aspirin and sleeping pills, Fantasia has admitted that she was trying to kill herself.

“I didn’t have any fight in me,” Barrino said. “I didn’t care about anything. I just wanted out,” she admitted during an interview for her VH1 “Behind The Music” special.  “I just sat in the closet and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle.”

The full interview will air tomorrow, and her album, Back To Me, is available in stores as of tomorrow as well… hmmm.

Source: People

Park 51

The plan to build an Islamic community center near Ground Zero has turned into an ugly situation.  Many believe that the targeting of those of the Muslim faith is just a new channel for discrimination against people of color.  There are daily protesters and gawkers surrounding the site, which consistently reeks of tension.  Recently a video surfaced of a black man who was sent to work on the site was harassed on his way into the building by angry protesters.  “No mosque here!” They yelled at him, repeatedly.  He turned out to just be a carpenter who was, in fact, a Christian.  Does this remind you of SB1070?  People being categorized based on what they “look like.”

Peep the video below:

A few people already know about this situation BUT i’ve decided to just let it ALL out and finally be FREE and NEVER have to mention it again!

oh yeah.

Around 3 years ago, I met a guy (for this blog i’ll call him CHUCK)… I met Chuck in school and we starting talking. The “relationship” was a little bit rushed but at that moment it felt right. About three weeks after just talking, Chuck called me and goes “Hey Vee, Do you have a boyfriend?”. In my mind I was like “umm what is this guy talking about”. So I just played along and said “NO”, and he goes “Well, I wanted to know if I can be your boyfriend?” I found it to be really sweet how he went about asking me and off course I said “Yes”. Two months into the relationship I got Chuck a phone under my name (I know better now lol). We then decided to take a break. During the 1 month break, I didn’t date anyone else or even talk to anyone else. Chuck and I would still speak occasionally. Chuck and I decided to get back together. Everything seemed normal for the next few months. We would talk all the time, see each other.. it was GOOD. It had gotten to the point were we said “I LOVE YOU” to each other.

Then a DRASTIC change happened. Chuck started acting very weird. He was angry at times for no reason. It was just so different. I continued to stick it through though. One night his phone rang and the name that came up was “myspace jumpoff“. LOL! LOL! I asked him who that was and he came up with a whole story. He told me it was a guy around his way that was obsessed with myspace so they named him that. I didn’t think twice to look into it because I was never that type of girl. At around 9 months into the relationship it was just unbearable. Everything I seemed to do was wrong in Chuck’s eyes. If i said left, he would say right. So at that point, I didn’t see the relationship going anywhere. So Chuck and I broke up. I went and got my phone back from him. Chuck did the funniest thing, he handed me the phone without the battery. That alone made me KNOW he had to have been hiding something. So, I put my battery and his phone and that is when EVERYTHING became clear to me. Pictures with other girls and text messages that BLEW my MIND. One message was from a girl suggesting baby names and pleading for him to come see her. Never was I the girl to look through his phone BUT that night I called EVERY girl in his phone. One girl called me back.. and this is how the conversation went…

Female :”Hi, someone called my phone”,
Me: “Yeah, this is Chuck’s girlfriend”,
Female: “Chuck’s girlfriend? Do you know my cousin is having his baby next month”..
Me: ” You know i didn’t know but from messages I saw in his phone, I figured something was going on”.
Female:” WOW, I can’t tell her this because this is going to break her heart”…..

I called Chuck’s other phone and he wouldn’t answer. Then two days later I get a call from the girl who was having his baby. She told me EVERYTHING. Basically it was during the time we were on BREAK and they had sex ONCE and she got pregnant. She didn’t even know him but she kept the baby. She actually made me feel sorry for her and she invited me to the babyshower. LMAO! I became emotionally drained, I didn’t know what to do. Eventually Chuck called me and admitted to me that she was indeed pregnant. He apologized many times and just kept saying he didn’t mean to hurt me and he loves me. BLAH BLAH BLAH.. I literally LOST myself at that point. We didn’t speak again after that. Everything just ENDED!….. I thought about him a few times over the years and I would break down and cry.

I dated again after that but had a wall up and didn’t really give guys an opportunity.

Last year, I was in Soho and who do I bump into??? YUP! Chuck. He was very shocked to see me. He took my number and did call. We started “talking” again. He apologized again for everything that had happened. And all I kept saying was “Why get back with me when at that point you knew she was pregnant”. He said “How do you tell the person you love, the person you thought you would one day marry that you got another girl pregnant”. LOL .. We tried BUT the love I had for him back then just wasn’t how it was when I saw him. He thought that it would be back to those happy days and I would forget everything that happened. How do I forget something like that when the PROOF is right in front of my eyes.

He has a baby girl!!!!!…. Like lets be serious!

This situation was definitely the real life version of Usher “Confessions”

I feel like RIGHT now.. I’m finally free from what I thought me and him could possibly have. I am ready to fully date again and enjoy life!

Vanessa

LADIES: NO MAN IS WORTH YOUR TEARS! IF HE CAN’T BE A MAN ABOUT A SITUATION THEN HE DOESN’T NEED TO BE IN YOUR LIFE! STOP GOING BACK TO THE PERSON WHO PUTS YOU DOWN, CHEATS ON YOU AND MAKES YOU FEEL LESS THEN WHO YOU KNOW YOU ARE!

Signing off,

Vanessa.

This is funny and sad at the same time.

this is one of the funniest videos of all time fam, “ocurr?”